Saturday, March 10, 2012
Finally feeling 21~
I realized just this morning I've been mourning the death of my love life for a long period now, and unlike normal, I haven't just recovered from it. I don't know what it is... I've never felt I wanted someone to be there so badly before, but to tell the truth, it's fucking scary! I've always been the well grounded one, and couldn't understand my friends who were always so needy of someone, always tied to the drama and over-exaggeration of "being with someone", and the splintering grief of parting from that someone. I have experienced plenty of those very situations, but I always knew mine had some sort of expiration date, or that I'd fall out of that phase some way or another. I mean, what am I if nothing BUT a hopeless romantic that day dreams day in and day out about "that person", but I never really took meeting "that person" seriously. I knew the guys I was into weren't eligible. Hell, deep down, I wasn't even hoping for them to be. However, now, I don't know if it's because I'm aging or simply my surroundings are being grouped into couples, but I'm feeling really depressed about not having someone of my own... at all.
Honestly I've been feeling like this for a while.. but I think it's only just now hit me. Because before, I could always keep myself busy with friends, classmates, school, studying, drama, and other bits of life. Those things never failed to occupy my mind from wandering off into a lonely, emo abyss. But now I feel the lifestyle I've become very comfortable and accustomed to, starting to drift away. I can't find myself so easily satisfied with new shiny toys. I want substance! Substance that is a BRAND NEW fork in the road; a job, relying on myself, graduating and attending GSU, traveling, more spontaneous trips, a camera, some REAL photography opportunities, getting my own place, driving, and getting my fucking license!
Ladies and gentlemen, I finally feel 21. I feel new responsibilities are the only thing that can change my life. And I AM at the age to do it. I feel like the damn free spirited Sagittarius my fellow sag sister is always talking about haha x) But I feel like I've been holding back on this person... and I'm feeling the after shock of doing so for so long. I'm feeling the regret of being soooo comfortably wound up in my own little world, just rolling with the punches. Well... that's perfectly fine and all and has pleased me thus far, but at this point, after having time to actually sit down and think, I can't continue on this path much longer. Not because I can't, but because I'm just... tired. I mean the things I want are honestly things I should have already had! So possibly that's another reason I want them more than ever.
Upon walking this new path, I am100% more positive about a great person coming along. So I'll try not to let it bring me down. Instead, I will really work to achieve these goals, and await meeting "this someone". :) At the end of the day, I know for a fact I will be happy acquiring any one of these things, so I WILL be alright~ ♥
Labels: life, school
