Friday, November 28, 2008
Break up..
So.. I guess this is what I dreaded. I just never knew it would be as bad as it's been.. dammit.. that only means it would have been a lot better if it were done properly and sooner..
My goodness i'm horribly pathetic.. we broke up on some bad terms, but we both agreed to it, so it's not like we fell out of love.. who am I kidding? I must of loved him a bit more than he loved me. Or he was lying to me after a while.. because it seems he can't stand me and he's ready to move on.
I think the only reason he lingered was because he did have some lost memories.. but I think he originally stopped liking me that way a while ago and just wasn't ready to accept it, let alone deal with the aftermath.
Well.. i'm crying still.. because I'm just not grasping any of it.. I don't understand how anyone could be that way after being so close to someone.. that must mean he was already losing his feelings.. that just means when he said "no matter what we go through or how stressed I get, I still feel the same", was him in denial and guilt from not letting me know the truth.
Sir.. maybe we weren't cut out for each other... but who am I cut out for? Who will accept me no matter what? As you use to tell me? I guess i'm pretty dramatic.. but i'm sorry to say, the excuse I have is that I was never built up for this. I always stayed away from guys.. and even when I did like start something.. i never let it develop.. so letting my feelings develop, and having such high hopes.. i let my guard open so wide.. and everything got shot down.. so please don't blame me for being this way.. please don't shun me for over reacting.. i'm only a girl. And i'm honestly too nice for my own good.. or too naive I guess.. believing too much that things can get better.. focusing on the wrong thing.. it's not that they can't.. well.. i forgot, for things to get better you have to have people that want them to.. people who really care enough to try.. or people who have enough patience to. Is that what it was? You got too impatient? .. You no longer had the drive you once had..
I well enough know I should be done with you.. I well enough know you don't deserve my tears.. but I just can't lie to myself.. I can't pretend like you not caring doesn't hurt me.. Can we at least make things right? You said we could.. I thought you wanted to.. or was that just something spur of the moment? I obviously rid you of your feelings... but why? Do I sicken you that much? ......Well... i'm so sorry I exist this way.. I have no other excuses..
EDIT: 11:00
You say if you wanted to get rid of me you would of.. but I see you're better off and happier without me.. so.. why are we even friends? Just because? Why? So you rather be a liar than a jerk? Too worried the truth will hurt my feelings and make you look bad? Well.. you have nothing to worry about because it's not much left to save. Just cut me off so we can both get out of this crap..
Labels: life
