Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Feeling Hopeless :(
I'm sort of crushed right now.. I need to stop making myself believe things will get better. I may just have to face reality and see that me and my BF aren't going to make it. He's always had a thing about him that seems he's never been happy being with me so... I mean, I can't take just ignoring it, even if it's not entirely true. I know for a fact that he can't possibly like me.. why? There's plenty other girls way more interesting than me, much more attractive, more entertaining, more fun, easier to hang with, easier to talk with, more stylist and approachable. Not lame and boring and weird and dull like me.. I still don't know why he ever liked me. But it made me happy. It was exciting and lovely. Things now....... i seriously don't know how they even got to that point. Was it him, was it me? What went wrong? I know all this time I was blaming him, and it was mostly true all the time, but recently, I've realized how he could be so cold. I'm not worth fighting for. Not to him. Not anymore. Not when there's plenty better. And in that case, the only reason why he's holding on is because of my feelings. I keep telling myself it'll change, but.. i just doubt it. This.. this is worthless. I was much less in pain being single and lonely than dealing with having someone struggle to stay with me.. than being with a guy that can't stand me.
Why? Just leave me.. why don't you just leave? It'll be good for us.. you don't have to worry about me. Be happy. I'll be fine.. i'll last.. i'll last...... but.. if we keep toying with each others emotions, if we keep lying to our hearts.. neither of us will be happy. Atleast one of us will huh? I won't hold a grudge.. I won't hate you. I'll just leave. That'll make it all better. No more screw ups. Isn't that what you want??
Labels: life
