Monday, September 01, 2008
What i'm missing..
So... last night I got into a petty argument with my boyfriend that took it's turn for the sour worst. I've been sick lately.. all labor day weekend, with an excepting of when it started on Thursday, and I haven't been able to be my normal, random, cheery self. So... I was in a fuck-the-world mood all night without even noticing it fully.. until I finally slept and had a nightmare. I dreamt of most of my more depressing times.. my stressful times, my ditch deep times, my angry and suffocating times.. then all my happy memories came rushing to me at once.. and I woke up crying..... I don't think I've ever woke up crying... fell asleep crying yea, but I never really dreamt about anything without thinking about it, and it actually took a toll on my body. Once I realized I was crying, I couldn't stop.. I just started wailing for a while thinking about all the missed people and memories that had left me or were taken from me.. I hadn't given them a thought in a while..So I finally got a hold of myself and took a short warm shower, texted my boyfriend an apology, texted an old best friend, and sat here listeing to the epilouge for A Tale of Two Sisters until I regained full control of my actions.
I was kind of scared.. sense I never experienced anything like that. Sure I've hit rock bottom like that before, and sure it was over the same issues, but they never seeped out on their own.
Hm... oh well. I guess it was bound to happen.
Anyway.. today it happens to be raining.. just a little bit, and it's dim and white outside. If I had a great camera and a great bike, I'd ride around so many blocks to capture something similar to how I feel. That's what I feel like doing. And maybe I'd have my own classical soundtrack to ride around to... one song on auto repeat.. until the rain started getting heavy, and the sky darker, and I'd have to ride all the way home.
Labels: life
