Saturday, June 16, 2007
6.16.07 Ugh.. life's a drag. D;
Pfft, my internet's been down = reason for no posting. But I finished my entry on 'Thee Out ^^ Check it out in the Archives. It's right under this one. :)
My cousin is here now.. her and her boyfriend. I resent what I said before, I really don't mind them staying even two weeks. They rock. WAY better than being here with my aunt. But they're only staying for four days. D; How displeasing.. T-T
My aunt.. she's bothering me already. Always doing things to make me look bad. Like.. before they arrived I was on the computer for like 20 minutes before the internet shut down again. My aunt got on and fixed the internet and never got off. Next time when she did, they had arrived. When I got on the computer, I had to get off because it was dinner. Then I tried again, but some crap thing about the computer being locked came up. My aunt solved it like it was nothing, which was weird that it locked when I got on and she knew the password.. and got off like 3 hours later. After she got off, everybody but my mom and I was sleep. My mom took a bath and I got on for like an hour. When she got out the shower she asked if I was staying up on the computer. I had a like 'no.. we have company, I can't stay up late' look on my face. So I get up 9 a.m this morning and NOT get on the computer. I didn't get on until 12 and everybody starts waking up. My aunt is the first one that says.. "Oh, everybody is up. Portia shouldn't be.. didn't you stay up all late on the computer? You should be sleep." -___- Then she starts telling them how I'm always on the computer along with my mean mother who doesn't know about my secret rage for my aunt. And
everybody thinks it's okay to pick on Portia. I ignored my cousin because she asked a stupid question but she was like, "hello..? you're in your own little world?" then other times I gave my mom or them a look like.. 'shut up.. please' or 'why are you bothering me? Don't you have a life yet?!' but they always turned it into something picking on me. So when I gave them that look they'd say, "oh! don't bother her.. she's busy." and start laughing. Then my mom said something about how my aunt has clothes on since she usually is just lounging. So my aunt she starts talking about how we always stay up.. but I just stay up on the computer all the time. Then made a joke saying, "but don't worry she washes up." This goes on for a full hour! Wait.. I forgot.. this is right now. It's going on. It's 1:00 right now. GOD I friggin HATE her. All she complains about school for is because she doesn't want to pay my college money. I don't blame her, but another reason is because I SHOULD get a scholarship! Not just because of the money given. She's not interested if I learn but she doesn't want to pay the money? And her little way off helping me isn't real. She always does useless stuff just to say she does something. So when I'm older, I can give her some money or something she wants. Please. If my mom dies before her, I don't know her anymore. Because my mother is the only thing that keeps me close to her, or sane enough not to push her down a flight or 6 flights of stairs. She constantly bugs me to get what she wants. She's a sorry excuse for a woman, and a disappointing adult. She disgusting.. she might as well be a man. Maybe then i'd have more respect for her. She's not even a bitch. At least bitches have the women in them.. she's just sorry and pathetic. I really pity her. But even that much, i'll only give her $500 of her worth. She honestly may be worth much more through all these years, but now.. that's all she's worth to me. I can't wait to get a job and get my own money. Only if my mother was employed.. I wouldn't have to live this hell relying on her for everything. Or anybody for that matter. I want to be independent. Just four more years. I'm getting my own place. But just probably after college. Then i'd have money from jobs saved up.. and time to sort things out. God I hate every ounce of her attitude, even her good side because it's so blank and unreal. There's a thin line between love and hate. This quote comes up very nicely with her. Yeah, I love her. But as a person, she needs to be
a lot better. And I don't care what title they have.. friends, family? People are always people to me. And this is why I have to live for myself.
I hope that one day she is understood. I hope one day she finally realizes how much hate I had. I hope some day she comes to better terms and changes. And hoping she changes, she can finally see me for who I am and be respected. I hope.. but I already doubt it too much. She's so clueless.. it's sad I can't even get past the thick crap of whatever goes on in that head of hers.
After typing this, I read this article. Dewi thanks for
your words. I'll keep them in mind every time.
Labels: events, life
