Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I Fucking Hate Him.. but I really like him
I really really really can't stand school right now. And it's so sad why.I'm mad at myself for letting some boy get the best of my education...
I mean I wasn't even like that with Javarus. At least I could function.
Like three posts before this, if not, the one titled Aozora no Namida, I was talking about Toledo and posts before that and posts before that, and posts before that!
It's been a while since i've known how Toledo feels about me, and what other girls he likes better.. I actually knew before Spring Break, but I hadn't blogged about it because I was too sad.. then when I got over it, I didn't wanna blog about it because it made me bitter and it really wasn't all that serious. But NOW! But now, i'm like sooo fucking sure, and I'm disgusted with this knowledge and with myself.
Here's what happened. Remember when I said my friend Whitney found out I liked him? Okay, in fourth period, the 2 weeks before Spring Break, Toledo kept going to the back of the room sitting with some girl named Chelsea. So they kept flirting.. make matters worse, it was the same day I had planned to tell him everything. I was getting angered so I kept looking away from them. But at one point I looked up and they're faces were WAY to close.. they were smiling and laughing. I was sooo sick of it. So sick, I went to the bathroom to get some fresh air. (our bathroom as a huge window and a wall you can sit up on right next to it) I ended up being in the bathroom longer than normal and just went back to class. I avoided looking their way the rest of the period, but Whitney kept telling me what they were doing. And when the only time I did look up, it was the end of class, and Chelsea was bent over dancing nasty, and Toledo was right behind her. All up on her arse! I was furious all day long that day.. and got sad later all week. Because he kept bothering her and they kept flirting. For somebody who doesn't like a girl, he sure is persistent. -_-
So anyway, I forgot all about that. Plus, I wasn't SURE he liked her or any girl, so it's not fair to assume things when it wasn't positive. So I forgot about it.
But today, again in 4th period, Ms. Oliver was using a cake as an example for the perfect persuasive or whatever type of letter we have to write for the writing prep tomorrow. So we were all in a circle and Ms. Oliver was in the middle. Toledo had already been flirting with Chelsea, and they both got in trouble earlier on because Chelsea texted him and his phone wasn't silent. When we finished, Ms. Oliver was talking so much about Cake, Toledo went out and said, "You know what, well I really don't like cake. Or making them." Ms. Oliver said, "Well, who cares? So make it for your girl, i'm sure she loves cake." And then Toledo laughed and said, "Oh Chelsea, what's your favorite type of cake?" And she just smiled, "I'm not your girl." blushing away. Oh my gosh, I could of jumped up and killed her! She knows she likes him, I don't care if she is playing hard to get, If I had the chance to be with someone I liked and they said that to me, I would NOT be playing around. I friggin' hate girls who complain they can't do anything with the guy they like when the balls already in their court! There are like other girls who'd love to be in your place, so please don't play around. I mean really, if she's gonna be like that, give him to me!!
>_>
Anyway, so maybe i'm still considering telling him how I feel.. but then it's completely wrong. The last time I tried to do that, with Javarus, he was just so full of himself. He acted so casual like, Oh, okay. Another confession of love. I get those a lot. SOB! And acted as if I was afriad all this time and just couldn't bare to tell him. Yeah right. I mean, of course I hesitated, but I just didn't want to start drama. He was already dating some other girl, someone he cared about, so there was nothing I could do but forget him. And I only told him because I just didn't wanna hold that on my chest. And I believe Toledo will be too cheeky..and I hope he won't because i'll probably go off on him, xD
Labels: school
