♥//thesustaining-one:.

Friday NIght Outing

2012-01-14T01:44:00.000-05:00

Mother managed to basically ruin my night nearly again... sigh. Can't take this women no where, I swear. Finally went to Nori Nori tonight, and later to a jazz lounge to see Chandra Currelley. She was perfect! Absolutely amazing, but I was more mesmorized by the talented musicians. Omg I swear in another life, I could be a groupie.. these people are way too talented and don't receive enough respect. The pianist caught my eye the most, he was too cute!! His name was Xavier :) It seems every night I'm out with my parents, the last time being at a comedy club and restaurant, there's always some fucking sexy man apart of the show, and I can't freely be a flirt because they're there... ahhh, God's wish I suppose. Smh.

Anyway my mom had a fit twice and would not leave it alone, as if she was trying to show off -.- And the second time she was tispy, so it was even more intense than the first time. Each time it was at the end of enjoyable night. Like when we left Nori Nori, I couldn't rest and enjoy what I had left because she had a fit. Then last, after the jazz lounge, which was REALLY an event one has to sit and relive, she had a fit. And that just did it for me even more, because I really enjoyed various things about my time and she just snatched it all away. Now I really can't wait to get away from her ass this summer. I really hope I can. I love my mom, but as long as things work out and she's healthy, I can't wait to step out of this country. Can't even go to another City and enjoy something without it being spoiled, so I'd be dammed if I let her cruel ass ruin my potential trip to Tokyo.

Girls I do Adore/ Mother Dearest

2012-01-13T14:32:00.001-05:00

For a long while now, especially after I got more involved with Sanchez and more around guys wanting to be involved with me at school, I know I really wanted to be with a guy, but guys keep fucking disappointing me and letting me down.. or there's always my own excuse like not having enough time for them, but recently I've been paying attention to every girl I could see myself with or just oddly attractive chick >_> Like random cute girls on campus or on the bus home and to campus. There was this one really pretty chick on the bus while I was on the way home, she wasn't girly at all actually. She could pass for a stud maybe, a stem definitely, had the healthiest and prettiest face and skin! And her Facial piercings and locks were really cute on her. I kept imagining her in a rock style, lol, because she seems like that kind of girl. I like femmes but I wouldn't mind a girl like that at all as I'm internally just like that~ or secretly want to be. Anyway, the biggest reason I find this recent fixation an issue is because I know there's a big possibility I'm going to Japan this summer. And while I KNOW I'm going to be tripping all over the hot guys, it somehow slipped my mind that I'm into Asian, of not mainly Japanese girls -.- Siiigh~ none of the people I'm traveling with are comfortable with that, they're hardly comfortable with me going off with a guy. But not being able to openly enjoy the women seems to be the biggest joy kill to me about this trip, seriously. I mean, If I were going with people more into the things I were or share a similar state of mind as I, we could take my mind off of it easily and spend our time enjoying other things, but they aren't T__T I just don't know what I'm going to do. My only attempt to salavge this is acting as my professional self, being a photographer, and just attempt to shoot with all the hotties, including the guys ahaha~ I know being separated from the group in Japan where it works in my favor is a huge none realistic plead, but that happening at least once when It really needs to, would be great lord. x/
---

My mother has never been an overly nosy mother like some of my friends or mothers are portrayed on TV. There's a lot of things she may know and just ignore, most likely, but then again I think there's a lot she totally in denial or unaware of. I realized during my entire 21 years of life, I've always lived around her completely open and had to wait until she was away or not around to do any different. In other words, my lame internet life or personality around my friends, everything was open to her as long as it was appropriate. So unappropriated things were always hidden. But what I just now realized is, somethings shouldn't even have been so open to her. Like during my 21 years in this world, my room was always open, door never closed. But that's not fair.. I should be able to shut out people if I want. All day yesterday evening I was minding my own business in my bed spending hours day dreaming and fantasizing like I usually do. But I haven't done this in a while, so I really felt like doing so. I could not engage in my thoughts because it seemed every 10 fucking minutes my mother would be coming upstairs bothering the hell out of me. Okay.. damn, I know my life at home only consists of the computer and all, but who the hell is she to be wondering what else I'm doing. Leave me the hell alone. At first I thought she was coming upstairs to get something for herself, but the last 4 times she quietly came up the stairs to see what I was doing, always asking me, "Are you texting?? What are you doing up here??" All four times. -___- WTF WOMAN. And today I go upstairs leaving the computer with nothing on it, and she suspiciously asks me, "Are you going to bed?" Like the ONLY thing I could be doing upstairs for a long period of time is sleeping.. -.- siiiigh!

Well first of all... what kills me is, do you REALLY want to know what I am or could be doing? No way, I know she doesn't.. so why the hell are you questioning me instead of assuming it's something dirty and leaving me alone?! lool. Seriously. I mean, are you that oblivious or are you just a cock blocker? I think a cock blocker.. because there's been various time through out the years of me being upstairs and she calls me for something random to do, as if she's mad I left her alone or doesn't want me to have healthy "me time". But I've recently realized she's out of her place doing shit like that, and how I shouldn't have to provide her with some excuse or lie as to why I'm minding MY business on my own.

I never thought about closing the door to my room before, mainly because she would become even more suspicious thinking something bad was going on behind the door, then interrupt even more or questions me even more; however, the more I think about it, WHO CARES. Because at the end of the day, it's annoying for me to continue giving explanations for normal shit, or looking over my shoulder every 5 seconds, or making sure my ears are hawk sharp listening out for any sneaking people! If I wanna be in my room, I can. That's my only place of privacy, so why do I need a reason to want privacy? Pffffft. I'm over that shit. I'm 21 years old now, and these people wonder why I need my own place or why I'm always going out doing things with people. I'm ALWAYS home, and never get privacy to do the things I want here, what do you think!?

Japan Trip This Summer ♥

2012-01-13T14:00:00.000-05:00

Things I don't like so far; skeptical things financially and personally. Plans there. What I think about shopping money. What I wish~ problems i'll run into that sucks.. what i wear, my freedom : /

First week of Spring Sememster

2012-01-13T13:57:00.002-05:00

My classes/ teachers, people, new relationships, old relationships, ppl leaving this semester, my fashion, etc.

New Kdrama 2012

2012-01-02T04:12:00.000-05:00

Opening the year not yet ending one Korean Drama I started, Flower Boy Ramyun Shop, because it's nearly done and I'm not ready for the story to be over! So having the worst tolerance for ending stories I deeply enjoy, I delay the ending like regularly until I'm tired of waiting and wondering what happens. By that time i'm usually half way into another drama, anime, or done with a movie or two to throw me off track.

So with the opening of 2012, the Kdrama used to hold off F.B.R.S so far has been incredibly awesome! It's irrelevantly called 'What's Up?', but it's proven so far to be exactly what's up. I totally ran into it by chance, but DO NOT regret because It's a drama I have wanting for a while. A drama where serious over acting, ridiculous aegyo, sappy cliche love, and unrealistic situations that Kdramas usually dish out doesn't exist. Thank the Heavens! I was not expecting something so great and intense!! Gosh this show is emotionally intense! In a good way~ :3

I was attracted to this drama because of the typical 'performing arts school students and their dreams trying to make it in the industry' storyline that I enjoyed in other dramas like Dream High, or have heard about in so many others. What's Up? also has lead roles from top idols like Daesung from Big Bang and such. So like a fan I had to check it out and see what else my idols are good at~ ^^ ahaha ♥ But this story is completely new and compelling on it's own, with a lot of realistic drama, background stories and their development during the show. These characters consist of gangsters and thugs, abandoned children with secret lives, drunken teachers, drop outs, traditional cruel senior students, mysteriously cool students, murderers, child prodigies, fighters, actual celebrities, people running from the police, women with hard lives, all brought together with violence, screaming, fucked up situations, death, music, dance, acting, talent, harsh teachers, illegal actions and team spirit! All in the span of only 5 episodes into the drama!! DAMN I'M SOLD. I mean first of all, just alone by not being that typical cheesy, warm, weak, Kdrama, this show is A-mazing. I mean when people want to be mean in this drama, oh they're really cruel and blunt. They don't play around in none of the situations. But they still have the sweet innocence in some characters you'll find in your everyday kdrama, buuuut, everything is real and not over acted. Every ounce of this drama so far is very close to real life to me, which is usually NOT what Kdramas are, to be fruitfully honest. Yes there are some sloppy developments in the story so far; Some stories or events you forget about due to other circumstances coming along and taking you to a new story, or another story not being finished off before then; however, the characters and stories are so interesting, plus the events you know have to happen and be revealed later keeps you watching patiently~ Only 5 episodes in and already I'm this pleased. I don't know, maybe I'm biased, blinded by all the bad ass bluntness and charisma these characters have I'm not use to in Kdrama or something. Either way, I watch with much anticipation, and recommend this drama wholeheartedly ^^

New Years Eve and 2012

2012-01-01T20:27:00.000-05:00

what i wanted to do, what i agreed to do, sams calling, what i did, my mom and how i feel now about my mom, my talk with gio opening my eyes about my future; feeling lost or at a brick wall.

Mixed and Uneasy Feelings

2012-01-01T20:24:00.002-05:00

post about sanchez possibly having a thing with marteshus and how he acted in the past and how i feel about him and her. How I know my feelings for him were strong due to my connections with him and the fact that i want a fairy tale; watch too much korean drama.

which is funny because.. talk about my recent strange interest in the guy from that boutique store... how i have a problem with setting a story line up and leading my feelings based on my imagination, and wishing that things go the way i want them to. Being too dreamy with my head in the clouds.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T18:10:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve I awoke to my menstrual cycle and I was already sick with whatever has been wrong with me.. ehh.. mother nature granting me with her share of lumps of coal? I'm just a tiny bit glad I did come on though, so it won't exactly bother my new years plans.... if those even work out in my favor. Late Christmas morning I had the most pleasant sleep though! Most likely the best present I could receive. Haven't had a warm, deep, comfortable sleep like that one in too long of a time. First dosed off listening to my "relax" mp3 playlist on my phone, containing things like French melodic music, smooth jazz, Asian chants, emotional indie rock, dark orchestra music, and a wider variety of soothing tunes :) Before you know it I was sound asleep and awoke around 8am to a light rainy Christmas morning; first one awake.

The entire week I had not been looking forward to Christmas. If you were to ask me, it didn't even feel like Christmas was nearing. But that very morning for some reason I was hit with warm spirits which I wanted to share with everyone. I knew it was too early to wake my family, so I spent two hours cozy in my warm bed texting nearly everyone and their mother sweet Christmas messages lol. It seems even the people I didn't really favor, stopped talking to, and have had recent problems with I forgave, because I sent them warm honest greetings too. Some rocky relationships with some I payed an apology to and hoped they have been good. All didn't respond with such kind or honest words, but I really didn't mind. I just was deep in the spirit, which is very odd for me, haha, but it made me feel great, spreading positivity and giving to others. This year, my family received more gifts than I, and I was alright with that, because I wanted to give back to them. I'm actually wishing I would of or could of given more, actually. All I really wanted was to have an enjoyable time with them, which I did, but this lasted for a short time.

I was in the middle of having a really nice laugh with my mom after a long period of joking around, talking with her, my aunt and my uncle about old memories. My mother and I are really close, but she's not really interested in things in my personal life at all, so it's seldom we talk about my interests and she's actually into it. She ended up asking about something that had to do with Japanese and we began a very serious talk with my uncle about it. I was enjoying the conversation a lot, so much that I went to show her somethings upstairs, but when I got back, she was talking to my other aunt over the phone so I waited patiently for her to finish. I was really anxious to continue our conversation! But she went off for over an hour or so and I over heard her doing what she normally ends up doing with my aunt... talking shit, about her other sister and myself. Now I'm in a slump and pissed off because I was having a really nice time, and it's Christmas day, but you go off and gossip about me to the person who doesn't even really like me. I had been fine all day and excepting of a lot I normally don't. To remind you, I'm also still sickly and dealing with cramps, and emotional, so that really crushed my spirit. I don't even want to be around her now. And I started thinking in my normal spoiled ways about the presents she gave me this year. Well first off, I turned 21 this year. My birthday, which is suppose to be the most joyous, was the WORST, and she didn't even get me anything for it or sympathized with me. I wasn't expecting anything for Christmas, but the things she did give me reflected her fake disinterest and the more I thought about it, it pissed me off.

I'm into Photography, I have been for a while. But it's not new to me at all, and I'm at a stage where the only thing you can give to me to help me along is a better camera, or a decent editing program. Instead, she gives me a beginners book on taking pictures of people. -_- First off, I already took and passed plus a photography class where I already have two books on photography that are way more advanced than the one she gave me. How could you not know that already.. buying that book is either an insult to me or letting me know you never pay attention to what I do or show you. Next, she gets me a Calendar full of Japanese paintings. Which is nice if it was anything like the style of art I actually like, or I was in need of a calender! I'm a 21 year old, smart phone wielding, intermediate Japanese student. Why would you not get me a nice English to Japanese dictionary, or a nice poster of my favorite Japanese artist, or a cheap CD of a Japanese singer I like or don't know of, or a cheap calligraphy brush for my Kanji I had mentioned all semester, or a Japanese app for my phone, or something Japanese styled I can actually use, since that's what you were going for. What the hell do I want with a calendar? Maybe if you never got me one before that would be a nice novelty of beautiful artwork, but I already have that and this was nothing like the style she already knows I would like. How would you not know that, mom? Pfft. Major fail. But, the messed up thing about that is, I didn't care about that then, because I was more happy that she loved her gifts, and spending a nice time with her before she started conversing with that evil women. Wtf did I do to deserve such harsh words? And why would you even be talking about that today after receiving such wonderful gifts and having such a nice time? Pfft. Don't even get me started on how she insisted on me getting my aunt an expensive gift set of body stuff from her favorite brand. I already knew what my aunt wanted! She isn't interested in crap like that, and I saw it in her dissatisfied face when she opened it! Making me waste my money, that she shit was not cheap! Shes the one that pushed me to get it and wants to talk shit about me always buying things or being a bad daughter or some crap. Now she wants to act like she's so concerned with what's wrong, like I didn't hear you talking shit about me, get the hell out of here. Whatever, I'm done with it.

Having the Christmas spirit was nice while it shortly lasted, and I still hope everyone else had an enjoyable time~

Biggest disappointment + friends

2011-12-17T19:54:00.000-05:00

Talk about Korean class and final drama, talk about new info from today and what will happen and my conclusions to what i wanna do with the class.. talk about Gio. Talk about tae and quesa yesterday's drama and what i think of them.

Nori Nori, Ice Skating, and expenses?!

2011-12-15T02:00:00.001-05:00

Talk about today's fun~ talk about dentist and money and trip I wanna do over the summer :/

Finals; Bye bye Fall Semester

2011-12-13T21:06:00.001-05:00

Finals and Heartbreaks :/

2011-12-11T21:12:00.000-05:00

korean final
meeting on saturday
what happened preparring for japanese final
ppl ditching me; feeling hated; losing relationships

21st Birthday

2011-12-05T04:15:00.004-05:00

Luxe lounge
Jiyeon's camera
getting abandoned 3 times
not called by/ contacted by...

Korean Festival + Thanksgivings Break

2011-12-05T04:14:00.000-05:00

Perferred Fall Fashion~

2011-11-27T17:53:00.000-05:00

These are two fall fashion ideas I liked for myself, and adore to see on others. For this picture about, I really liked how clean and classy this simple look was. First off, seeing this first people would think of it more as a summer look, which is really is, but I liked the idea for the fall too. Usually fall is about dark and warm colors, but I think brights and pastels every once in a while make a nice contrast with the fall colors. Wearing this with a chocolate or chestnut blazer, or a forest green over coat would authenticate the look for the season.

Again, pastels or brights aren't too favored for fall, but I enjoy seeing creams and pearl colors. Normally that would be fancy like in the first picture or maybe more, but here, I like how it was made very casual and comfortable. The denim adds a little summer, warm feeling to it too, not making it too cold. I love it. Usually people are more dressy in the fall season, but being stylish and relaxed is very refreshing~

Pit of disappointment :/ + Club Activities

2011-11-14T00:40:00.000-05:00

Leaving where I left off with my last post, I was so excited for my new 'love interest'. Obviously like I stated, I'm just Portia being Portia, because I started falling for someone too soon without knowing the repercussions. And now, I am left with a disappointment I did not even imagine. My entire day has been in a pit after Eduardo called me at noon saying how he wanted to see me~ :) I admit first I was taken by surprise, but all in all, I was ecstatic because I had been thinking about him all weekend. Of course there's no other awesome time than the time your 'love interest' shows they're too interested. Anyway, he was already out so I expected him to drop by soon. To my dismay, he never showed up. I spent 4 hours thinking about it, waiting, tidying up, freshening up, trying to relax until I realized all the time that had went by. By that time I was furious -.- I contacted him to find out something had came up but he said he was still coming back later on.. still never showed up x'( Not going to go into detail.. pretty much felt let down about it.

Decided instead of feeling pitiful, just take my anger and use it to fuel my last dance practice today~ At school apart of Korean club there's a little sub group, Kpop Dance Team that learns some kpop dances together. Our president originally wanted us to do this to perform at the Korean Festival which is this Tuesday at our school. So Monday is the last dance practice. We're dancing a small compilation of three dances: Miss A's - Goodbye Baby, SNSD's - Gee, and Shinee's - Hello. I can't wait to practice~ I was stoked anyway, but now, thank you senseless guy for making that anxiousness stronger. Got some steam to let off. Most definitely.

Smoke break for the UK♥

2011-11-12T07:43:00.008-05:00

Absolutely love it.. but that wrinkled shirt.. ahhh.. could of at least been ironed, steamed, or something! -_-; That is all. Everything else is *[LOVE]*

11/11/11 ♥

2011-11-09T00:29:00.005-05:00

First I'd like to start off by saying, it's been nearly 2 years since I've blogged and I come today, not because of the day but because I've just been thinking about blogging for the past week, but when I come here I see a draft saved on 10/10/10 talking about being lonely LMAO.. which is what i'm basically coming to write about now, today. That is some craaaazyness smh. :)

Anyway, originally I wanted to write a post summarizing allllllllllllllllllllllll the chaos/ drama/ fun/ ridiculousness/ that has been present since the last time I've been here but have to be current~

This guy, Sanchez, idk how long it's been exactly since I've been talking to him on the phone.. but first time I talked to him and since, we had a connection. Him and I just hit it off perfectly and comfortably. He's a Sagittarius too, we agree on a lot and see eye to eye on a lot, but come from veeeery different backgrounds. Ethnically and socially. (What is this a fairy tale? Gimme a break..) Basically he's not my type and I'd normally not care for a guy like that, but got to know him and liked him a lot as a person. I already knew he was interested in me more than a friend a while ago, it's pretty obvious, but me being a bitch who's too involved in her life and has no time for little things, I didn't care for it. Even though he had been wanting to see me, I always kind of blew him off. Not kind of.. definitely blew him off. Most times I was really stressed and busy, but could of made time, just didn't want to. Anyway, so today we unintentionally met for the first time~ annnnnnnnnnd.. lol.. the atmosphere was super tense, and it was because, GOD this man was gorgeous, might I absolutely add. I'm surprised I acted so smoothly for the quick moment we were together, smh. Anyway it was nice, and I'm upset I hadn't met up with him before. Because now like typical Portia, I'm falling for him -__- Oh so surprising? And I think I've blown him off so much he's starting to lose interest, or either play it up like he doesn't care which is so fucking aggravating.. ugggh. My fault as usual smh. Now things will be weird I know.. because it was obvious tension was there... the same kind when friends become more than friends.. ehh. Awkwardness. So trying to see how this little thing plays out~ x3

Five in the morning...

2010-03-06T04:53:00.011-05:00

I felt like randomly blogging and I have an old hot 90's rock song stuck in my head... which is playing this minute. Anyway it got me thinking.. I have a shit load of lists with song covers I've done or need to do.. and by "do" I mean record and put on youtube. Since it's "Spring Break" right now, i'm not doing anything yet and in the mood for singing, I think I will finally make these recordings! But I'll wait till the weekday to do it since ppl will be gone~ I wonder how my new camera records......

My ex boyfriends best friend, who I still kinda have a thing for's birthday is today~ pfft. I don't really care honestly.. I mean our friendship is weird now and we're not as close.. i'm just saying it because this is a random entry so.. shall put random things.. -.-

With more randomness, I realized I never posted my first ever painting artwork I did.. yes it was painted, but heavly editied in some areas.. the background was not painted though.

Inspired by the picture below done by one of the photographers I like on Flickr, Safama. Yea he only does candid shots of women in Japan, which all happen to be excellent with terrific quality if I do say so myself. http://www.flickr.com/photos/safama/

Out of all the photos so far, the one I LOVED was this one.. okay that's kind of a lie. This was the cutest I loved, the the one I truely love is below.. I so have a girl crush on that woman, is she hot or what!? Dammit, she's cool! I'm gonna make her the header to this blog.. no lie, I have to. xD Annyyway, with the one above I decided to draw it, and I want to make my own full body version too ^^

♥♥♥♥♥♥ ^____^

Mid-semester Break in full swing~

2010-03-05T04:17:00.006-05:00

First break my first year of college just started today~ they call it Spring Break but it's not spring yet.. it's really just a week out at the mid semester point. Not doing too much as my big plans start the week after the break ends.. which is Momo-Con!! :D I'm excited this time more than ever because 1) i'm staying in a hotel during con..finally.. and a great one, with a suite!! 2) i'm staying with all the cool ass people i've been waiting to meet and hang with 3) an old school mate of mine will be at the con as she's new to the anime world but she's interested in it so that'll be great! lol 4) awesome hot asian guys.. no need to say anything else on that.. xD 5) I will have business cards to give out and a new camera to take real cosplay pics 6) And we'll be partying the whole weekend.. with the addtional momo fun; korean karaoke, hitting up famous shaved ice cream place in Hong Kong plaza, making home made sushi rolls and dessert shots, bubble tea, and sleeping in style~

Until then, actually during this break i'll be at Ty's house helping her make her clay and bead jewelery to sell for the con.. and hopefully calling all my unnies in other countries, and being an art nerd that whole weekend. Going to club and movies with friends coming back from out of city/state schools, meeting with friends I haven't seen, mom's birthday, friend's birhtday and getting ready for momo in my own way~ the past weekend was my close friend's little sisters' birthday dinner and her mom and friend made us eat fried oysters, frogs legs, fried alligator and king crab sushi (actually this one was my choice since I liked it..) OMGosh, I already dislike seafood.. I mean I rather eat our own insects than the ones of the sea honestly. The gator and frog legs tasted like chicken, literally, lol. The oyster was how I thought it would be, horrible. The sushi was of course the best, oh and I wouldn't try to mahee mahee because I'm a hypocrite lol. I thought it was wrong eating dolphin but not frogs legs and alligator, lol. I'm just glad they didn't order mussells and calamari.. double yuck.. well.. before tasting it anyway.

Another note: It's been snowing still... a lot. It snowed again Tuesday this week, so I cam-whored is movie star vintage dress, lol, and took random snow pictures~

2010 Bombs away

2010-01-30T06:50:00.006-05:00

PLUG to myself: Check out my DeviantArt account - Lovelydramatic.deviantart.com for more of my recent pictures!!
ANOTHER NOTE: Check back there every now and then because even some photos you see now may not be up there, or vise versa.

I had a photoshoot two days after the new year.. as you see it's a wide variety of themes.. I don't even have all the theme showing now.. there's like 3 not up.

The day we had our shoot, that night all the models, assistant and I went to a top notch higher end club, mind you it's winter so we were frozen waiting in line, but upon leaving, the car got towed.. I won't get over that... we had to wait in some mexican hook up club lol. And we were like a city away from where we live. What shit...lol. Never go clubbing in the winter.. without a bigger crowd atleast, but yea.

Other Updates- Haven't been on here for a while. I frequent facebook daily, so you can certainly find me there.
-Yesterday morning, 1/29/10, i sprained my neck badly.. it hurts so much as i'm typing this *sigh* Not gonna heal for weeks possibly.. this Icy Hot I bought is doing little work.. *tears*
-I transferred to a new college.. I originally started back in late September of last year.. moved over to Ga Perimeter this semester.. school I was suppose to be at. The commute there is 90 mins max. *sigh* It's not SOO bad I guess.. I enjoy the train.. the bus is another story. And atleast I don't have to get up too early. I'm still lonely there.. so many cool people tho, friendly environment, but not openly social enough.. everyone is either a loner, with their race of people or friends and that's it...I suppose I'm a loner then, pfft. Sociology class is great.. I love it. Writing class and old math I know already? Not so much.
-Photography seem to be working out in my favorite.. some what. Got a new camera. Nikon L100.. love it (lie).. quality sucks.. is suppose to be better! UGH.. camera is pretty tho. I have clients now, it's exciting. Need to make business cards now.
-Joined Model Mayhem.. perfect for getting work and a team formed for pictures~ pretty sweet.
-Can't wait for MomoCon this year... more than ever because I have a better (pfft) camera and will be taking planned photos, instead of snapshots.. also I'm staying in the con hotel for the first time.. and yea.. lol. x3
-Suppose to be going to Miami for the first time Spring Break... doubt it, we'll see.

Umm.. not THAT much going on... college, photos, homework, and that's about it~ I have a lot more time now, so I'll work to update other things on here.. I'll be back soon! :]

Lady Gaga blows my mind~

2009-11-20T06:43:00.006-05:00

Oh yea... about 1000 times.. or however many times i've watched AND listened to the new single off her recent album The Fame: Monster, "Bad Romance". I effin LOVE LOVE LOVE that video, and the song even more. She's such a giant already.. I've loved everything she's come out with, and i'm growing even more, respecting her as an artist.. because otherwise I may not like her since the woman is a loon and feeds on drama, putting herself out there on purpose :/

ANYWAY. Besides Bad Romance, it seems she's gotten together with the diva herself, Beyonce, and created her own song featuring her, as well as B making another version her of Video Phone song with Gaga in it. I have to say, I only enjoy Gaga's song feat Beyonce called Telephone.

My College Days~

2009-10-16T02:10:00.005-04:00

It's already been 3 weeks going on 4 since i've started school. I feel kind of pathetic now that I think aboout it.. I go to school only 4 days a week, and only have 3 classes, one on each day minus the day I have two.. then a three day weekend and a afternoon class everymonday which means sunday can be treated like a weekday too instead of that "day before school/work" day that you never really enjoy... that's pretty great right?! But still I'm cluttered with work.. and here I thought I was going to have an easy weekend.. ugh. I just wanted to relax and seriously have a nice peaceful study session, before and after enjoying this coming Halloween parade/ festival.. but NOOOO.. my damn damn Photography teacher had to throw an over the weekend quiz at me, along with one long as chapter to read, 45 shots to take, NONE of people btw, 4 annoying illustration assignments, 50 vocab terms, and a huge sketch of a town including a lot of stupid things that we have to later create on illustrator.. all that along with studying, math included, and having my first priority to be getting my braids out because of my hair appointment later today. It's not easy rushing to turn in papers and taking down your hair, as it won't be later today, finishing it, washing it, and studying at the same time. I actually have just the right amount of time to do all this work. I have Friday afternoon to take a few shots, the evening and night to do like 2 assignments and quick study, I'll use the festival for most of the pictures, and the long train and bus rides for more study. I have the rest of the day to do my pictures, and sunday to finish up. So what's bad? Hardly any resting.. Maybe like that morning Monday.. ugh.. I really just can't wait to have those 2 hours of fun time tomorrow at the festival.. only if I can stay longer.. I really want to get this Henna tattoo, that's my ultimate goal, lol.

Pre-Halloween Fun + extra

2009-10-12T12:16:00.013-04:00

About this picture, I did it at the start of October, donning my interest in October only as a advanced plan to have a blast on Halloween.. especially since I missed the Fall's anime con D:
That plan was faulted not so long ago though.. as the Halloween festival at Little Five Points I THOUGHT was on Halloween.. isn't.... it's this weekend instead actually.. x/ So.. since Halloween there is event less, I thought it'd be nice if I could go to a Halloween party.. two people I know are planning one, but I have no idea if it'll actually happen.. if not, a haunted house would be just as splendid.. but it's much more difficult than it sounds.

But one of my new friends, Ashlee, told me about this Noraebang (Korean karaoke) restaurant in Duluth.. it's a bit away, but we can get there. It's also in an Asian Plaza a bit like the Super-H Mart~Ohh, that's all you have to say.. and it's good to me. ^^ So we have plans to do that on the 31st, BUT that's the morning plans.. I really want to do the party/haunted house that night. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, no, that outfit is not what i'm wearing..what i'm wearing is a lot better.. a more rock concert type attire, including fake blood :3

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I started school two weeks ago~

I know I said I was suppose to start in the Winter but I was talked into going to another school so by the time I start the other one, i'll be a bit ahead. Right now i'm taking up photography and computer graphics (InDesign, Photoshop, Illustrator, etc.) along with a basic math class so I can get on board with college math x/ My schedule is pretty good.. though it still bite me in the ass. I only have class 4 times a week, mon-thurs, and two classes Thursday. The rest of the days I only have one class. Now some people would find that great but I find it slow and useless.. like I have to wake up to one class a day? Get pretty and clothed for one class, lasting not even 3 hours?? UGH. And Thursday's class is my favorite because it's two classes I enjoy, BUT it's the worse because I have to come to school an hour early and there's absolutely nothing to do here.. all my friends here ride the bus meaning they won't be here earlier than the class, and all the computers in the labs are always vacant. THEN I have a 90 min break in between my classes.. might I remind you, there's nothing to do here, but be bored with friends.. no where to go, no boys to talk to.. I need to invest in a new book.. I think I have more fun sitting in a car riding to another state. -__- And about my single class math classes, the room's always 40 degrees... I have very low circulation, I'm dying in there.. and it WOULD have to be math, a place I don't want to be in the first place, tsk. I mean my Photography teacher said we will be outside and taking trips places doing assignments most of the time.. might i remind you of the season: It's nearing Winter.. meaning i'll be seriously freezing even with winter clothes, but I endure it because it's what I enjoy doing. Although, this math is a total different story.

Last Shoot PLUG

2009-10-12T11:57:00.006-04:00

PLUG to myself: Check out my DeviantArt account - Lovelydramatic.deviantart.com for my pictures :]

My last shoot was suppose to be a learning experience as I would be working with strangers for the first time. I contacted all of my friends for possible models, but only one actually contacted me. That was all I needed because she has other friends that would be interested. This was already enough for me because this girl was a professional dancer, and quite beautiful enough. I call her Bella.. by her nickname. Unfortunately Bella could not make it and I had to do another shoot unplanned.. but who's to say that's entirely bad news, as it seems my unplanned shots come out quite excellent: (sample shots from every outfit/theme)

There's about, I say, 10 more pictures to add to that shoot on my DA account.. I have here 2 pictures I haven't uploaded yet there because they're subject to change, and the rest I hadn't got to because I hadn't edited them yet or didn't want to spam all the photos on at once. I guess it's about time though, it was taken at the end of August anyway x3

Hello old friend.

2009-08-23T02:53:00.009-04:00

I haven't really found it useful to blog recently.. I've been living it up with friends and dealing with life.. so i've forgotten to blog it... and been putting it off. But I miss some things and I need somewhere to say this.. growing older is no joke, is it? I've always felt.. "Ah.. it doesn't matter.. I won't be "older" until 20 years from now anyway, I've got time." But indeed I was wrong. I hadn't thought about even though I'll still be in my youth, how I won't be able to enjoy it. I think this extended summer was for a reason.. giving me a little more time until I hit college.. because from then on.. it's over.

*sigh* Yes, I'm still upset about it, but I know I won't be until later, so I'm trying to enjoy myself while I can. I found out about 2 weeks about I won't be starting college until the Winter.. January of next year. I was indeed READY to start for the fall.. but I guess not. So now.. I should do what I need to and get a job before I head out there.

Aside life... for my extended summer, like I said, I have (somewhat) been enjoying myself. Nothing too serious.. I consider exploring and finding new beautiful music, new entertainment, trips to the movies, general outings with friends and the like, the high life. So I have yet to do anything wild this summer.. well... except my adventure to a gay club........... but that was not what I expected so......... that doesn't count. lol. Getting my ID and passing the driving test.. Oh.. and I FINALLY had my photo shoot with more people.. I've been wanting to do that for the longest.. and now ever since, I've been getting more and better opportunities. :D Right now, because of it, i'm in the midst of planning another group shoot with more professional people to work with.. including some of the models, and even some getting me some pretty spiffy props and clothes to use *giddy* But the only thing I still lack is proper lighting, a better camera and setting. The quality of the shoot will be much better though, so I am glad for that.

Um.. here are some of the pics from my last shoot:
The rest can be found on my DeviantArt: www.lovelydramatic.deviantart.com
Although I'm still adding them, so check back for updates.

As for the entertainment part. I've recently seen District 9 and G.I. Joe.. which I was not disappointed with. I was thinking of seeing Inglorious Bastards because Brad Pitt is soooo f-ing attractive to me.. in that movie anyway.. and there's nothing more attractive than a war related movie, but serious and cold with a hint of dark humor and a sexy lead man. *sigh* I don't even wanna think about it.. kill me now. Um.. outside of the movies, I've saw this movie.. I saw it today actually.. RocknRolla. How about a movie huh? Thought it was a bit complicated at first... but I loved it.. mainly because of the cast and they're characters. OH! I fell for everyone. The movie's storyline really wasn't even that appealing to me.. but the cast.. THEY made this movie. I love it.. fav movie right now.. even tho it came out last year :3

Umm.. as for music, I have A LOT of stuff stuck in my head, so not to make this entry even longer.. i'll just link to my blog on my imeem music site where I have a list of my recnet favs. And if you go to the main page there's a shuffled playlist of some of those songs :)
http://www.imeem.com/lolita-number-18/blogs/2009/07/21/VRyzPrEB/abdc-4-earsomnia

Oh yea, and I hate to brag.. especially since only 2PM fans and Korean variety TV watchers will get this, but the new show Wild Bunny, featuring Kpop sexy group 2PM as the stars, is the best fucking.. yes fucking.. dorkiest, funniest, WILDEST show ever right now. lol. I LOVE me some 2PM. And I feel so bad not a lot of people understand them.. but oh well. It's a treat only I can appreciate. You'll have to watch the first episode to warm up to these guys, lol. Because if you attempt to watch any recent ones, you'll either love it or absolutely hate it.. with a passion.

Um.. back to my life.. my personal one, lol. My ex has been really cool over the summer.. mostly because we've been distant. But that was until we found out we're going to the same colleges.. yes both.. because i'm going to a 2 year to transfer.. so he's going there AND to the one i'm transferring to.. geeeeez. Can I get away from this guy? Shit. And now I guess since he's last relationship was a bad ending, he realizes his mistakes with me, and is trying to built something from that.. um.. no. I am doing good without the stress of a relationship. I rather dream about one than be in a bad one. And plus.. I have another guy on my mind.. but sadly, one I can't have. Pfft. Me and my unlucky self. I'm dealing with it quite well though, imo. So it's really no biggie. I would just really like it if it were a bit easier. And my friends in they're love struck situations is only sickening, not helping at all, lol.

Enough chit chat~ I should be back soon after this with results of the new photo shoot coming up.. oh, and pics and news of my outing to the soap box derby this Saturday!! :D Have never been to one so... pretty excited.. ^^

Oh, and a pic from when me and my friends went to take pictures and a pic I recently drew because I felt like it :)

Karaoke ♥

2009-07-26T22:49:00.005-04:00

Lol.. random titles. Um.. yesterday I went and retook my drivers exam and passed, so I was rewarded with my temp license, YAY~ ♥ Now it's legal for me to learn how to operated the damn thing.. a car that is. lol.

Um.. my last post.. i mentioned doing a photoshoot soon.. in 3 days? And today I was suppose to clean and fix some stuff up for the shoot, but my friend came over with her baby and we were occupied for hours.. I'm too tired to do anything now. I'm so stressing now how much i'll be doing tomorrow and early Tuesday (day of photoshoot). I just know everybody isn't ready.. I hate rushing and crunch time.. it's sooo so stressful. *sigh*

Um.. another friend came over and he brought a photo album of pictures I never knew he had. I got a chance to copy some but not all of them because he had to go.

It's funny because I have a lot more prom, end of school and field day pictures, but it seem the ones others took were ways better and more meaningful. I'll really miss my high school days, not too much, but I won't forget them. ♥

That's why I hope this Premiere Party will be nice. There's a club party inviting all '09 graduates from different schools to party it up for High School one last time before we go off to college. I want things to end good there, knowing half of these people, I won't see again... so I hope it turns out good, because I know the end of the school year didn't end perfectly enough.

Anyway, it seems right around these last days of summer I only can relax by listening to good music, updating myself with kpop media, and looking at very awesome clothes. A person I follow on DeviantArt has started a tumblr blog where she shoots some people she sees with very interesting or nice clothing. That, along with her other personal fashion blog sites are just love. It's my new ventilation.. because I love to see interesting things done with clothes.. plus.. I just love clothes period, lol.

Here's the sites of her's I follow: http://triciawillgoplaces.tumblr.com/ and http://chictopia.com/slumberdoll/

Noraebang ♥

2009-07-24T22:41:00.007-04:00

The title.. it's so random. Lol. It's all I feel like doing though. That word.. it's Korean word for Karaoke.. but i'm contemplating on which one sounds cooler... Karaoke.. it's so common, it's no longer a Japanese word.. so I'll start calling it Noraebang? hahaha. Wow.. so much then so little has happened to me since the last time I wrote here. Um.. college.. it starts August 17th? Wow. My summer was a lot of wasted time.. it went by in a flash.

So. To as far as I wanna date back.. the beginning of July.. the 4th. Took some pretty great and epic pictures of some local fireworks I wanted hours to see. I'll just post some, and if you're interested, in which I hope you are, to see the rest, check my DeviantArt gallery please.

Speaking of photography.. I've been planning a photo shoot.. a girls night out theme.. for fun. I always wanted to do a shoot with more people but never got a chance. Gonna start small and only use 4 people.. but that's a start. Planned a lot.. put a lot into this. So I really hope it works out. I plan on doing all this this Tuesday.. so I should have at least some stuff up by the week after. I'll put all the details and story and background into the final finished photos and post it up here whenever that's all done.

Um.. today I self taught myself how to arch eyebrows because i'm tired of wasting money I don't have... so yea, bought my own damn razor and looked at some tips.. think I did pretty good. So good, I went out and took my drivers test (questions) just to get my picture (the one on the permit). In which I failed.. LOL. And now I have to wake up early tomorrow and drive a long way to do the part I failed over. Pfft. How awesome am I?

Oh, so I camwhored in the dressing room mirror to celebrate my failure.

Um, loving 2PM more than ever.. and more music. Music is so great... so are hot guys.. funny stupid dorky guys who happen to be sexy. I guess that's why 2PM are such hot commodities. ♥ I have no experience with them though. I honestly have like zero game.. and no nothing about flirting. I'm starting not to care though. After you go through a relationship gone bad and drama for so long, you stop caring about what guys think about you. So yea... that's about where I am. I'm gonna laugh at how much of a dumb ass I make of myself. Why not? Nothing to lose. I think I rather have fun being a complete failure and learning from it than trying too hard and not succeeding AND being uncomfortable.

Ugh, did i mention I am in the middle of rebelling against like everyone? lol. really. People have been bothering me more lately that usual. Maybe i'm so tense because i'm doing into college soon.. August 17th. I can't believe how quick it all came.

Events after school..

2009-06-16T13:45:00.007-04:00

So! I haven't got a job yet but that is indeed what I need to be doing this summer, if not trying to find some kind of way to get a head start on Japanese lessons.

So here's some crap I did do while doing nothing since school ended.

May 31st I went to my friends graduation at the dome, and saw the most inspiring people for fashion.. and oh.. the highlight.. they were all hot and pretty *squee* x3 So because of that I got really inspired to use some ideas and clothing I got from them and make some drawings of some male clothing ideas I had. I started on 5 of my ideas already.. those of which ended up adding in some female clothing idea as well.. x] Back to the graduation, after screaing inside, to waiting outside in the hot sun, we went out for Japanese at Benihana, then went laptop shopping for her.

June 1st Had been planning to go to a graduation party/ barbecue at a local park, but found out the girl having it was the wrong person from a totally different school.... went anyway, lol!! Saw other people I knew from that school, blah blah blah, along with some of my classmates.. stayed there for like 4 hours. Ate, mingled, ended up stealing an hour of some kids childhood by barging our way in on the playground while they were away, LOL. The jungle gym, the swings, the monkey bars, and this miniature merry-go-round thing that nearly took my youth, haha. Had a blast being a kid. No better time to be a kid than at someone else's grad party, lmao~

June 6th Had an adventure with my friend Kai. So, i've road the train with experienced friends before, but I never have with someone inexperience, which is basically like riding alone. I call that an adventure, because it's like doing a road trip not knowing where you're going.. the same thing we did with the train, lol. So! First we went to a clothing store in the city and got clothes, then a nearby candy store and bought some taffy, some truffles and some maple with pecans in it.. oh it was heavenly.. then we caught the train to our next destination, a shopping area far north of town called Little Five Points. There's a lot of nice strip store and flea markets there.. and nice eateries too. So first we got lost, got on the wrong train, had to go back and we finally made it, almost missed the train.. and omg, i nearly got stuck in the doors D: It was a frightening experience. So we finally get to the station on that side of town, but we don't know what bus to catch.. we finally find out and get there, then we're in heaven all over again. I'm talking about, this place was a small Eden for shoppers. lol. So we nearly hit up all the store. And they had a lot of vintage stuff, which I adore. I'm so mad I never took pictures.. just one. Anyway, so we finally go eat. We eat at this dinner type place where they're famous for ice cream. I got a patty melt out of this world xS So, a full stomach later, we wait for like 40 mins for a bus, meet a cool tourist lady that ended up helping us. :D She was nice. Um.. got to the station and went to our last destination, Atlantic Station, another outside all. lol. Went to 3 outside malls throughout the city. Um.. did nothing there really but scope out relaxing places to chat after seeing nothing interesting to buy.. except like 3 things. Um.. ate seasoned shrimp, looked at the over priced jewelery fair they had going on there. Sad thing, I saw A LOT of things I wanted to buy, but the prices were way too jacked up. I was so sad after that :( Um... after that, we were about to catch a bus back to the station but we would of waiting forever so we ended up walking. Met this real urban afro sentric college chick while waiting. She was awesome. She got us to walk with her. We all clicked really nice. She ended up riding the train with us until her stop. She worked in Atlantic Station. Told us to visit her some time, so I shall ^^ Um.. got home, ate Italian, lol.. attempted to do Kai's hair, failed, said we'd try again tomorrow. Crashed out of pain and exhaustion of being on our feet, running around for 11 hours. :O Next day, stopped by the park and chilled after walking AGAIN to the store for hair stuff. Got home, started on her hair. When we finished we got our day cut short because she had to leave early. We were suppose to make cupcakes and watch Battle Royale (one of the best Japanese thrillers) then do a mini photo shoot. Ugh.. oh bother. Took like 4 pics super rushed just to say we did. Not to mention watching the movie while doing it, lol.

From June 8th-Today Umm.. been killing myself slowly staying up until the next day's afternoon fueling only on Korean and Japanese media, peanut butter and banana open face sandwiches and water. lol. Seriously..

Um.. saying that in detail, I've finished Japanese Drama Absolute Boyfriend, anime Soul Eater and Ouran High School Host Club, caught up from being way behind on Bleach, um.. started re watching anime Blue Gender, started watching Japanese movie Last Quarter, finished part one of Korean Variety show Mnet Scandal with Nichkhun, and watched two long episodes of another Korean Variety show Idol Army. Been through a HUGE phase of FANDOM with new hot Korean boy group 2PM.. after that finally settled a bit, switched over to Korean B5 group SHINee on whom I now favor.. not over 2PM, never, but I'm into them now.. um.. been through kpop music like there's no tomorrow.. listening to great groups and adding new songs to my mp3 player. Watched yet another Korean variety show, Intimate Note, with guests Big Bang. *sigh* Did I mention my nights have been sleepless?? Um.. recently joined like a Japanese version of Deviant Art but way better as it's only for pros.. had to maneuver my way into getting on there.. since I can't read a lick of Japanese.. but it's worth it. Um yea.. spend time lost in translation on there.. and yea.. all that Asian goodness.

High School END

2009-06-16T12:10:00.007-04:00

I graduated May 23rd :D Yay.. whoopie and all that shabang. Well.. I didn't get into the college I had been finally wanting to go to.. GA St te, so.. I had planned to go to Georgia Perimeter.. which is a two year school. The whole point in going there is basically to get a good start in. I didn't get accepted to GA State because my test score for the graduation test didn't meet the limit.. missed it by 20.. -_- Yeah yeah.. don't really think those tests are accurate messures of your skills anyway, so who cares. The good thing is, this two year school doesn't require the tests, you just have to have a good enough GPA from school, and that I have. Plus, you can transfer to whatever school you want from there. And since they have Japanese classes there, and it's cheaper and easier, it's like it's like i'm getting a crash course of college like before going to university :3 The only thing now, I have to send them my final transcript so they can let me know i'm admitted in before it's too late :/

Anyway, small update on prom (since i do not want to get into it): failed to do after party plans, but did have my own little party x3 Okay.. rode in a limo with my friends.. had a blast. Just to inform you, me and my date didn't really know each other, me and him (brian) had only knew each other prior because he recently started doing our yard work. Yep.. perfect lifetime story, took the hot yard boy to prom. LOL. Seriously. But we were w ell aquainted before and got a long great, plus it was so last minute since my bitchass ex-boyfriend, turned around and switched dates like 2 weeks before prom. -_- That's okay.. yard boy back up xD

Anyway, the only thing that sorta messed up my prom was, Brian was NOT a dancer. A slow dancer..okay, but when the shake your booty songs came on, which was most of the time, he was not with it :/ Now.. i'm not such a dancer myself, but sheesh, I do know how to follow the beat, and I do know how to move! And it was so awkward leaving him.. ugh.. i should of just went to the dance floor alone.. that way I could of got someone to dance with. Kinda messed up you wanna dance, but your date, who can't dance, won't leave your side, that way, no one else will but in. D:

Anyway.. tell me why, toward the end of the night while voting for prom king & queen, I saw MY name for prom queen. I was like going down the list.. "mmm.. jasmine.. mm natalie.. mm portia... mm.. PORTIA?! O~O wtf?!!?!?!?!?!" Lol.. so naturally, I voted myself and started campaigning late as hell. I mean, if I KNEW i was nominated for prom queen, I would of definately used my salesmen skills and OWNED them. lol. Um.. random.. prom food was gooood :3 They had skewers and shiskabobs, and shrimp baby cakes and chicken, and sweet meatballs and salas and this huge delicious fruit bowl. They even had the home made ghetto punch where you can totally spike it with alchohol x3

So.. after they called the prom queen nominees out and I lost like I knew I would, we left cause we had to turn in the limo, lol. Um.. we went to Waffle House and Brian made up for his lack of feel for music by buying me LOTS of yummy food and feeding it to me like a pretty guy in a romance comedy :D My friends were eating it up.. i thought it was cute and funny. DAMN that food was good.. but also, we saw some guys that graduated from our school last year that we hated (except one hot guy i use to crush on) that kept sexually harassing us. It was funny at first because they seemed so desperate, but it got a bit annoying when they started grabbing at us. I was starting to punch the shit out of one of them. Then it rained so we rushed out, dropped in on an after party, then dropped people off, then went back to my best gay friend's house and chilled watch an old movie. Then I fell asleep on top of my date on the couch. I wonder why he didn't bother waking me up.. -_- Oh yea.. he was liking it!! lol.. we flirted and stuff but then it was like 5 am, so he took me home and stayed over for a drink and headed out. All in all, it was a good night. Oh.. did I say I was going to keep this small? Mm.. got carried away x/

SO! Moving on the last week of school: Graduation practice was crucial!! Soooooo annoying and a lot of waste of time. Mostly because I had to sing in front of a grumpy, rude, chilish, senior class at 9 in the morning for a week, and practise everything else for like 6 hours.

Other things that week including the senior picnic, senior recognition day, and yearbook signing. Those pictures are down below, enough talking x3

Let's play catch up

2009-05-03T00:37:00.013-04:00

Soooo.. it's a week before prom and i'm semi-ready.. it's all very stressful.. I really don't want to do things like they're planned but.. kinda don't have a choice.

So my prom date.. his name is Brian.. and he goes to the college my aunt works at. She knows his father and now Brian does our yard work. He's not someone i'd regularly fall for in looks, but he is cute :) handsome and charming, lol. Who knew those still existed? The problem with him though is, he's like.. a genius.. literally. Okay.. so why is that a problem right? Well.. Brian's 19 and already a pilot.. he's working in school to get a certain licence but he has legal right to fly.. kind of like a permit, lol. He has his own lawn business, buying his own tools, has his own car, knows about plumbing, electric wiring and all about problem solving. Great with like all core school subjects, stays on top of the news and he's VERY logical. Only a year older than I. That puts me and him in two whole different levels. I can't help but feel lowly when talking to him. lol. Maybe that's stupid.. but, I feel out of place. Now I feel like everything I do has to be good enough for his standards.. because they're way above mine :/ But the good thing through all this is, he's sweet to me, and takes making me determined serious.. even though he doesn't know how I feel about him.. i'm glad he's like that because it does push me to work harder.. so looking at this positively.. maybe it's a great thing to have him around. I think I finally understand what people mean when they say surround yourself around winners, not losers. Winners can only push you forward, but losers hold you back and make you like them. I know, when I get to college, I will surround myself around more great people, even if they end up stuck up and snobbish, because it will only boost my self esteem and will power to do better than them :) I wish I'd learned this sooner, maybe then my scores would be better. x/

Anyway, moving on, me and Brian are going together to pick out his stuff for prom sometime this week. I hope that doesn't turn out awkward.. because we still are getting to know each other so.. you know how that goes, lol.

Um, the rest my life. So, for about 3 weeks, i've been talking to my father. I haven't talked to him in like 4 years. He decided to come back in my life, and recently i've put him on hold. Maybe that's not good, especially since he's not well and been SO pathetic and loving.. but.. he can't just expect me to talk to him when I have things to do. I'm busy getting ready to graduate.. and prom is coming.. the two most busiest times of high school! So oh well.. I don't feel like adding another burden right now.

Into the lovely things! I think starting during spring break, I started watching two new animes, Ouran High School Host Club and Soul Eater (finally after being bothered into watching it by Jordan x3). I'm nearly done with both now, and started re-watching Blue Gender, because I always wanted to finish that show. Anyway, back to the new shows. Both of these touched me! I've heard there will be a season 2 of Soul Eater, so I can't wait. But I know these are ones I can re-watch and I love animes like that :'D

As for things I love, I love learning about new artists and hearing new music too! I think i'm getting more into Big Bang and other male groups.. hopefully, because it's seldom I listen to male artists. But anyway, I'm liking TOP and G-dragon from Big Bang, lol. Okay, TOP more, I just think G-d's a cutie x3. But I always thought TOP was cool, his voice is hot and not all feminine like, but that was when I wasn't so familiar with big bang. But there's this new song by them with this new girl group called 2NE1 and TOP is just the sex in it xD *fangirls* and G-d is just a cutie pie who gets even cuter when he tries to be hard and sexy but fails because he's so adorable... :'D

Lastly, just this morning I discovered another k-pop group!! Well, they're so new they haven't really debuted and you can't find too much into anywhere yet, but they're called T-Ara.

There's some antis all over them already because they've made a music video that's JUST like another group, and they don't have their own style. :/ Their style looks just like SNSD or somebody, then it's 5 of them, geez, we already have millions of k-pop girl groups popping up everywhere. Knowing that, I can understand why people aren't giving them a chance, plus since their company isn't original enough to come up with a different unique look for them, they look like plain-jane posers, and who wants a group that looks just like another one? I admit learning all this turned me off and makde me want to just ignore them, until..... I listened to their song. O_O Omfg, those chicks can blow. They have seriously beautiful voices. Every single one, different, awesome. And the funny thing is, people are complaing about them stealing looks from popular groups, those we know most in the group struggle with singing, can't sing, or all just WAY better than the rest. In other words, T-Ara, if SNSD never existed, Wonder Girls and other artists would have big competition, seriously. No offense because I love my JYP babies, but we all know their voices aren't all perfect and have been a couple of problems.. despite them always looking stylish. I think I prefer a group of plain-jane power houses, than some stylish pretty good, just getting by group. Plus, it's something about them that seems more genuine. Another thing.. I just mentioned a new group that did that song with Big Bang, 2NE1? They're new too. A lot of people complained about T-Ara debuting with a ballad, saying new people should come out with upbeat fast songs or else no one will care for them. The debut song by 2NE1 coming out soon is called Fire and it's such nothing compared to T-Ara's.. it's a dance song, with a sorta reggae feel.. kinda.. which is cool, because It's "okay". It's one of those typical songs that you only like after hearing it so much... *yawn*. I say whatever, the ballad is beautiful and frankly chosing to do that instead is about the only right thing they've done debuting, not completely following the crowd starting off with some cheap song. I'm tired of upbeat songs.. they're so many new ones out, so why not have something to chill everything down? So.. in saying that, I look forward to T-Ara. Thief's, posers, plain-jane's or not. They have potential and I'd like to see more of it :)

I'm still alive!!

2009-04-25T00:29:00.006-04:00

Just to put that out there..Graduating in less than a month.. got a lot of work to finish.Yearbook checking, film school documentary, newsletters..Prom coming up fast.. in two weeks from today actually :D

Pictures taken the day I bought the dress..
and yea, in my favorite color, purple!
Btw, I've lost weight and ripped out a bit for the summer, lol.
Look at that slimness and little muscle!!! It's a blessing! xD

Later lovelies~♥ 

So it's Spring Now

2009-04-06T02:41:00.006-04:00

I guess it seems i've been away a long while, but in that time i've actually had entries building up in the drafts. I haven't been thinking about blogging, but now that I'm doing it, i'm feeling quite happy.

Um, Spring Break is here and I've already been to the beach. I just got back from Jerkyll Island, Georgia on Saturday and I guess I had fun. It was a school field trip for a club competition. The people went because they won 1st - 3rd at the regional competition in February. I won 1st and regions, so I went to state. I won 5th at state. Now that my sound bad, but at state, the winners from ALL the regions compete, and it was students from 27 different county schools. That's A LOT, and I placed 5th out of 6th? That's pretty awesome, I say. This happened to be my 2nd beach trip, and this time I didn't get sun burnt, yay~ Just wanted to put that out there, lol.

Every competition and officer training we have a dance, so we headed to another resort to shop and I got a cute dress and necklace for the dance. I can't wait to get the rest of the pictures from everyone else camera. But anyway, here are my pictures in my new fav dress :3

Pic 1: My roomate let me borrow her red headband, and yay, i had my red bra :D
The necklace is actually 2 in 1, silver chain with pearls and a rope with a glass heart with zebra print! Yay, i love zebra print now-a-days~ Oh, cute little frillyness on the strap part of the dress.
Pic 2: At the dance. It was wack, but I looked nice along with others, so I didn't hate it.. even though it looks like I loved it with that smile on my face... i can't explain why I was so happy looking when I wasn't.. lol.
Pic 3: So by now you're totally in love with my shoes right? lol. I am too. still. And that purse goes GREAT with them! It's a awesome bag, but it's also my roomates :/
Anyway, me and my earned place at State Competition :D

At our hotel, the beach was 2 minutes away right in back. ^^ It was beautiful except the day we got there, it rained, but the rest of the days were nice. Sadly I didn't get enough pictures of the beautiful resort, but I'll just show the ones I did.

-to be updated- April 25th :)

The Stubborn One

2009-03-10T00:35:00.002-04:00

I question myself more than others question this particular moral.
I'm known by my longer or closer friends that I'll put myself through quite a large amount of unfair treatment by another person I care for to make their life easier. In no regards to how much it's wrong to me, I have no selfish intentions when making them happier. I'll try and try and try, and continue to until they realize what they need to.

It's a very stressful and sad value. I think it's nothing but being stupid and stubborn. People don't understand why I do it, for I don't truly understand why I do it. I just know I'll do everything in my power to better someone. I've been in about 5 different situations with 5 different people I was close to, where I hurt myself mentally trying to better them.

Three were close friends, one was just a friend, and one was a boyfriend. Most recently was my ex boyfriend. Well, while we dated I was like that a lot. I don't know, I think I have some sort of belief that if people just talk things out and see things from different perspectives like I do and learn to do things for the better and respect the other person, they'll learn that the negative energy they put out is basically pointless and shouldn't even happen so often. While I say this so easily, this is not wisely done. It's actually more stressful thinking in someone else's shoes, because you never truly know a person. You may have no earthly idea what they take "seriously" or what they think is important and not. People have different logic and other morals, so it's very difficult talking over a problem. Especially when angry.

I've had 3 of my closes friends mistreat me VERY badly. Like.. in ways where a normal person who have dropped them way back and wouldn't of thought twice about it. But me.. I've been told I think too much. And indeed I do. I think about why they did what they did, which leads me questioning things and wanting answers, and then giving scenarios on how things could have been. Hm... explaining it like that, I feel pretty pathetic and run over. And now that I think about it, it's not like I actually maintained a great relationship with any of these people. I failed. It really hurts me when I tried so hard and see it makes no difference to them. I guess I'm pretty dumb. I don't know how to let things go. Always trying to find a better solution instead of just giving up. Why? Not like these people are that important. There's no way in hell they care about me as much as I care for them. And I know this.. so why the hell do I continue to be nice to them? Why do I continue to care and worry about them? Why do I let them over look MY feelings, overlook my hard work and appreciation? Why doesn't this anger me? How can I have the patience and strength to worry about someone else's well-being before myself? Can a person really be too nice for their own good, or rather that idiotic?!

I honestly hate this quality of mine. I wish I were cold hearted. Then I wouldn't cry so much... then I could relax a little and worry about me. I hate it. I hate love. For I never recieve as much as I dish out.

I'm mad

2009-02-12T09:23:00.003-05:00

Soooo... I pretty much want to go home and cry right now... just cry and break things and take my anger out on ALL the stupid people that piss me off and got something to say.

I'm mad I woke up before my alarm, cut it off, and woke up late. -__-

I'm mad I didn't get to eat this morning.

I'm mad I was dreaming about you while I was sleeping....

I'm mad I actually believe you're the MOST to blame for keeping me from where I was suppose to be.

I'm mad I now have no control over thinking of you...

I'm mad these stupid braids are so annoying, painful and stiff. I'm mad they're STILL not ready yet and I didn't think to cut them shorter before hand.

I'm mad it took A LOT of time to get ready and it was basically a waste.

I'm mad I could of caught the bus but then it left.

I'm mad I can't convey my feelings to you without losing in some kind of way.

I'm mad it's not easy ignoring how I feel.

I'm mad that theif always compliments me... kissing my butt won't make me forget nor will it make me think differently, so stop wasting your breathe!

I'm mad i'm realizing how heartless and evil you can be...

I'm mad the great group picture we took today got deleted because of one person's opinion... that wasn't fair and I hate when what that person says is final.. who are they? Nobody. A person who needs an attitude check.

I'm mad I keep getting left out of stuff and no one informs me and puts me around their schedule.. um.. i'm gonna stop trying to fit.. I have my own stuff. If I get informed late, forget it. I don't have time chasing nobody.

I'm mad how we have some weird things going on recently... it's messed up.

I'm mad how we aren't even "friends", but we still talk and hang out and flirt and kid around, but you always disown me to the public. I don't say we're not friends, but it's all good classmate.

First week♥

2009-02-07T21:29:00.002-05:00

Monday- Didn't go to school... chilled..

Tuesday- Um.. I don't even remember this day. I just know I turned in my Physics project, lol.

Wednesday- Okay!! Highlight day for several reasons.. One big reason. So, the final vote for superlatives was in homeroom! That's were in the yearbook you have best dressed, most trady, most likely to succeed, etc. So, how about I got nomiated the week before for most creative, most unique and most talented?? :D Homgosh, great news x3 So this day I found out I was voted more for Most Talented. Mmm.. I was happy, but honestly I was hoping for most Unique, cause that would mean people set me aside from others, which is like, duh, and about time i'm completely recognized for it, and OMG in the yearbook, which is.. forever! But damn.. I don't really care for people to remember me as talented :( Yea, I write awesome poetry, write brilliant songs, my singing isn't run-of-the-mill and it's pretty decent, but geez, the girl i'm up against, Kiki? Okay.. she's this girl that's focused on music. That's no way fair, right? She's a bit better than me because she had vocal experience on 'how to sing' and i'm just 'belter on the back porch'. Plus, I don't want to be a singer. I honestly get tired of singing. She loves it. Plus she can perform way better than me, she'd steal a stage. She has experience. So in all honesty, I'd rather have her win it because it's more important to her and she fits the part.

But wait, there's this huge disadvantage for me. It's not fair because I've been at this school all four years, she's hasn't even been here a full school year and she just comes in and steals my spot?! So what if she's more passionate? She has no right to be given a spot in superlatives! Plus, she was voted for Most Likely to be Famous too! So that would be definitely unfair if she won that and mine! People should just give the 2nd one to her since she's trying to be a singer.. and give me the talented one. I'd be pissed off if it didn't happen that way. But for some reason, it just seems she's gonna win it all. UGH.. what the hell. I rather get voted for Unique and lose than lose to Talented.. -_- it's kinda frustrating..

Moving on.. so J got voted Creative and Unique male, lol. Damn.. and ran against BL. Wow.. what a hard vote.. so no story about that, it's what happened afterwards.. so I went and told J I honestly didn't know who to vote for.. I was eating a Valentines sucker at the time.. so he said, just tell me you voted for me, right? And I was like.. uhhh... so he took the sucker out my mouth and put it in his!! o_o At that time, Ling ling was there with us, so... I couldn't react how I wanted, especially since her eyes turned to me the second it happened.. it was awkward.. I kinda stalled and we all stood for a good 30 seconds. He was just sucking away and smiling directly at me the entire time, ling ling was still staring at me and glancing at him in between waiting on some sort of reaction, and I was just starring at them both looking confused, until I was finally like.. "Omg you suck..", bad choice of words, he said right after, "I know, your lolipop is in my mouth." O_O That's when ling ling was like.. okay, you're officially disgusting and walked away. I snatched my sucker and cleaned it in the fountain and ate it. Ugh.... why did she have to be around?! xO Do you know how things would of been with no one in our pressence?! How would you like it if the guy you think you're currently crushing on takes candy out of your mouth and eats it?! Then makes such a suggestive gesture like that?! Ugh.. my brain melted for those seconds and I couldn't even enjoy it.. -_____-

So the MORE awkward thing was, my ex, which is J's best friend btw, came out of no where. He saw me earlier with a sucker then later saw one in J's mouth, so he asked where we got it from. And J was like, oh this is hers, I got it from her.. o_o I freaked out.. lol. But my ex thought it meant I had suckers, so he asked for some, and I lied and said, um.. I only had two, J nudged me when I said that. A bit later, I forgot what was mentioned but I stupidly asked J if he thought the sucker tasted like mango, he said he thought it was lemon but then my ex was like, how would you know, you had a different sucker, but J replied, I would know, I licked her lolipop. *sigh* Oh God.. he said it loud... and EVERYBODY knows the song Lolipop by Lil Wayne.. so gosh, even outside of the song, that sounds sexual. My ex looked at him in a confused way and saw me basically looking guilty.. for what, idk.. it's not like I did anything.. but secretly enjoy it.. x/ But it made it awkaward because my ex and everybody already thinks J and I have something going on... omg, he had to say that around both parties.. xO So my ex only says, I knew it! J was like, what?! No way man.. what?! No.. we're just friends... cool, that's all.. that's not true! Right Portia? I guess me standing there looking away from them and not responding didn't help convince anyone. Geez.. i'm dumb. J was still trying to make excuses and I just walked out to my class. T-T

Um.. later this day, I was texting J about something and ling ling texted me, so i told him I was texting her and we both decided to play a trick on her. We started bad mouthing each other and now she thinks we dislike each other and want to fight. Lol.. we both forgot to mention we were playing so now this thing gets more serious.. lol. I just hope by now she won't be so mad we lied and made her worry..

Ironicly, my ex and I talked A LOT on the phone after that. Towards the end of our conversation we started talking like we still dated then realized it was wrong.. lets just say it was kinda sad.. cause we basically admitted we still wanted each other in a very pathetic way.. also, I had nothing but J on my mind and thinking about how me and my ex hooking up will only lead to a bigger regret..

Thursday- Me and my ex were acting weird cause of our convo we had the night before.. um.. ling ling worried about me and J disliking eachother so we both continued to act like we didn't. Plus, it was secretly my reason to be away from him anyway because of yesterday..

Didn't work for long as my j, my ex and I take 3rd period together. There me and J were computer partners. I don't know why he sat by me, but further more, I shouldn't of let him! Idiot!! *beats self* Anyway, the entire time he was touching me.. like.. nothing sexual, just like poking me and squishing my cheeks together and pouting my face and stuff. Ugh.. he can't do that stuff.. x( So then, the ex popped out of no where and we didn't notice. Me and him just continued in random conversation until I started looking up my article. We found some of the information interesting, but more so him, so he just leaned in to the computer amazed at some things, but by doing so, he was falling all over my lap. That's when I happened to look and see my ex like 2 tables away looking kinda aggravated. So I quickly elbowed him and exited out my article, lol. Talk about panic.. lol.

Idk.. I shouldn't feel bad at all. My ex did worse to me. When he knew we were still mentally together, he always bothered a girl I kinda disliked. Then when me and her got a lot closer, continued bothering her. Plus the girl happened to be the girl J use to be with.. how double timing is that? So it's only right if the two hurt victims hook up, right? lol.. I say that so easily, but i'm not that cold hearted. Also, I can't lie and say we're basically trying to make each other angry, but we still care for each other so.. I know he didn't care for her.. but still.. the gall he had to even pull a thing like that.. sheesh dude.

Moving on, on my way to the bathroom, I stopped at my ex to see what was bothering him, he said nothing and just said that he was leaving school. I asked why and he just said because he didn't want to be there.. I kind of felt guilty then.. I tried to get him to stay, but I couldn't convince him. I just went continued on to the bathroom. On my way back, me and my ex ran into eachother on the steps, I tried to talk to him but he just kept walking and said he'd was coming back later. Back in the Library at the computer, Jordan was sitting in my seat while another guy was in his, so he moved over and let me sit. I sat side ways with my back to him. A while after when we were about to leave, we leaned on my back and bite my back and then bite me again around where my bra strap was. I just bit him back on the arm cause it hurt.. um.. he tends to do that a lot to people.. but not like that.. that was kinda.................. um.. yea.. not to mention, he mumbled something definately suggestive but when I asked what he said, he said nothing and apologized.. then said something like he doesn't know why he did that and apologized again.. which means he basically wants to do things with me but knows it's wrong like I do.. -_-

SOOO.. fast forward. Me and my gay guy best friend tae tae came late to last period so we couldn't go in. We met up with aretha and skipped in the cafeteria. A bit later, J and the ex walked in. Apparently they left school together and came back. They decided to skip with us. Then another guy, Lamar, walked in and joined us. So... the aura was quite weird between my ex and J and I. It really seemed like they were fighting for my attention. One time.. the ex dropped his phone between my legs, LOL.. i know right, ironic.. and J reached down and got it.. everyone thought that was way to comfortable.. lol.. he didn't touch me though, it just looked wrong. Then, when no one was paying attention, my ex nibbled my arm, and I was like.. "you can't do that.." and he said, "why not, it's not hard, so it's okay." Then J came out of no where and said, "because it turns her on.." everybody also thought that was a bit too weird.. mainly the ex. But before he could say anything, J quickly said, "... but I wouldn't know that.." and everyone looked at me.. lol. I was like, what?! He wouldn't?! The ex was like.. "but doesn't it?" in a sad way, and I stupidly replied, "Not when he does it! It's all hard and it hurts when he bites me!" Geez, I just told on him and myself.. things got super weird then. I started panicing and just picked his hand up and bit it in the most non-sexual way possible, LOL.. I was angry that he kept saying things and plus he bit me earlier and it hurt so I tried to settle it there.. but it didn't bother him.. xO It just made things uneasy.. ;~;

So yea... then aretha and tae tae left.. then J sort of backed off all of a sudden and my ex kept toying with me.. I was kinda glad, because at least that's accepted.. but things were still way weird, not to mention, what the hell, me and my ex aren't even suppose to be flirting.... not at all... x/

Friday- Off all the weird drama and straight to competition for the Georgia Career Student Association club. I was to take a test in the Entrepreneurship field. I was eligible along with only 3 other people in the region :D So it was 4 of us in different grades and from different schools across Georgia. Also there were two boys, 9th & 10th, and two girls, 11th and me in 12th ^___^ The girl wrote music!! *o* I need to find her and talk business with her! She went to Chapel Hill High, I remember!

Anyway, to make a long story short, I won first place!! :D Boo yah~ I got my plaque, and I'm going to State in April on Jekyll Island! *u* I don't know about you, but that's pretty freaking cool. I just wish it was a school trip, or the club consisted of more people and ones i'm actually good friend's with :/ I'm good friends with NO one in the club. Of course I talk to all of them, but just as classmates or associates.. *sigh*

Anyhow, i'm proud and I can't wait to go. IF... there's some possible way my photos can be retreated to me by mid march, I can change my section to Graphic Arts - Photography and see how that goes. :) Because that was my original plan, but my good photos were stuck on a dead computer :/

Getting back to school I learned my ex's ipod touch, his precious might I add, got stolen. I couldn't be happy after that, surprisingly.. I knew how important is was to him and plus you can't be happy after something so expensive got lost anyway. Also, my new Vivienne Westwood ring I got not long ago was stolen, so I could totally feel his anger and pain :(

Um... I really don't know why fate wouldn't let me be happy, but I had practice for the play after school too.. and boy.. when I finished, I just got sick. My throat had been hurting since that morning but not that bad. I blamed it on singing. Plus I wore heels and my back was literally killing me. I blame sitting in cafeteria seats for 3 hours >:|

So yea.. I think I have a fever now.. it's crazy. Maybe this is God's way of punishing me for my recent frolicing or letting things happen.. idk.. x/

30 Fav Rock songs of the moment♥

2009-02-06T00:39:00.005-05:00

So....chilled to some nice rock songs this past weekend. Most of them are old... but I like the classics, so who am I to blame? x3

I decided to share the badass songs I had on repeat on my media player. Also since some of you never heard of these awesome people, I think I should put this out there even more :)

Oh yea, p.s some of these vary into like punk rock, and some other weird stuff.. that really may not be considered rock..LOL. As a warning, # 5, 6 & 7 might scare some of you.. sorry x3

Newly Added Favorites (in order)

31. Fall Out Boy - Tiffany Blews
32. The Veronicas - Untouched
33. The Veronicas - 4ever

1. Racheal Yamagata - Sidedish Freind
2. Greogry and The Hawk - Fin Song 8
3. Radio Head - Karma Police
4. Cat Power - I've Found a Reason
5. Birthday Massacre - Blue
6. Snake River Conspiracy - Love Song
7. Snake River Consiracy - Breed
8. Pilot Speed - Alright
9. Revis - Caught in the Rain
10. Sick Puppies - My World
11. Sick Puppies - All The Same
12. Head Automatica - Beating Hearts Baby
13. Kasier Cheifs - Ruby
14. Simon & Garfunkel - The Sound of Silence
15. Soul Coughing - Rolling
16. All American Rejects - Gives You Hell
17. Panic! At the Disco - It's Time to Dance
18. The Dresden Dolls - Alchoholic Friends
19. Avenged Sevenfold - Burn it down
20. Avenged Sevenfold - Unholy Confessions
21. Nirvana - Rape Me
22. Mad at Gravity - Walk away
23. SCANNeRS - Low Life
24. Robots in Disguise - Postcards from...
25. Robots In Disguise - Turn It Up
26. Shiny Toy Guns - Don't Cry Out
27. Shiny Toy Guns - Le Disko
28. Yeah yeah yeahs - Maps
29. Brand New - Sowing Season
30. Coldplay - Lost!

Opening February ♥

2009-02-04T09:18:00.006-05:00

So the rest of January entering February was pretty nice..

Guys.. 12809, 12909 & 13009 were days I honestly was happy I was with you both. Call me being a girl.. call me dramatic, but you.. no matter how many stories I hear about you and your washington-once-was, and no matter how hurt I still feel about all the other stuff, I won't lie and say I could do nothing but be happy those days. And you.. i'm not suppose to care, but I do. I think, to have you alone is just not right for long, lol. Though I may enjoy your company a bit more sometimes, it's only better when you're a team. But you're like the cool guy friend I never had that I can relax around completely, lol. Anyway, those days made me think of old days before things began to get difficult.. you guys remember some of those care free days? Without awkwardness and frustration? Just chillin after school on Fridays a few times, rockin to guitar hero.. well not me. Thinking about it, makes me miss it all.. it all seems too much like a distant daydream. Because even then we had some issues we thought were bad.. we never got to appreciate them, because maybe we can agree that they were a lot more comforting than now. But anyway, those days listed above, even though nothing really happened at all, let's just say i'll remember them anyway. Let's say they reminded me of what carefree felt like.... so.. lets end our school days together, just like that. That would make me happy. :)

....Okay.. homo emo chick, checkin out~
.Oyasumi.

So far so good♥

2009-01-25T23:47:00.003-05:00

Soo.. this week of the Presidents inauguration, was a wonderful wonderful week. :)

Monday- No school
Tuesday- No teachers were at school.. watched the inauguration with the school, chilled the rest of the day.
Wednesday- Wasted the day really, lol. x3
Thursday- Camwhored, wore a cute new outfit at school :)

Got flirted on by my ex, lol.. and his friend. I don't know if that's big to you guys but that's great to me, hehe. Got my hair done later that day.
Friday- Didn't go to school.. ended up just chilling at home.. yay, heheh~
Saturday- Went out to pick up my friend Naimah's present for her 19th birthday. Went to Wolf Camera and got a new Nikon. Got a new purse and 3 pairs of earrings at Target, hehe♥
Got home, packed, got ready, left for Mariatou's house, the house where all of our group was suppose to meet, waited for the other girls to get ready, and then we all left to a house party thrown for Naimah's b-day out in camp creek. We jammed like hell in the car to some songs i've never heard, LOL. They were nice. Anyway, arrived, Naimah looked amazing again. Saw some of her good friends I met before, mingled, danced a bit, ate, gave presents, had a nice, interesting time. Was mad though that my aunt wouldn't let me take my camera, so, I didn't take pictures. But they had cameras so.. hopefully that means I'll get the pictures from Naimah.
Sunday- (morning.. 12 am+)
We all found out we were going to this club out on Buford High Way.. forgot the name of it.. it was an African club. Oh yea, because Naimah's from Senegal so like all of her friends are African, seriously. But it was cool because I can dance to their music, lol. I should, it's of my background.
Anyway, we all got in the car and headed for the club. Got there, it was cold as heck. They asked for ID's but.. we didn't have any, they let us in anyway, lol. So.. started off kinda lame.. but people started crowding in and dancing started to get a little fun. To make a long story short, I danced with a couple guys, including the birthday girl's man about 3 times, lol. Wow.. that makes me sound whorish. But I always have like a hard time dancing with guys so this made me a lot more confident. :)

So, after a while, this one guy, Alajie, he got me while I was resting to come dance with him. Tell me why me and him got extra personal on the floor and danced straight through 5 songs. And don't let me forget to mention all of the songs were full length, and two of them were SUPER long. Like 7 minutes long, lol. I nearly passed out. Sad, right? So out of shape. But he got me again and we danced two more songs before the night was over. We both got tired by then and just circled on the floor holding each other, lol. It was sweet. When we realized it, we started laughing and he came and sat by me. After awhile, we left and I got to ride with him back to the house. Me and him flirted in the back the whole ride. We exchanged numbers and stuff. ^^ When I left he tried to kiss me, but I wouldn't let him. Lol.. he's so cute though. He was like, "wait.. before you feel insulted, you can't blame me for trying.." xD Oh geez, well he got out and hugged me but wouldn't let me go afterward! lol.. he was all like, "No wait, what if we don't see each other anymore?!" LOL!

Later that day, we texted and talked most of the day. And we just got off the phone a while ago. ^^ Oh, and he calls me 'Miss Portia', lol. Wow. Honestly, I'm just like so nervous around him from this point on, even though I know he's into me. But i'm afraid I might mess something up... not too skilled in this game you know.. x/

Well but anyway, glad I met a cool new guy. Oh yea, and he's already graduated and has a car and a job.. so.. upgrade! xD

So the messed up and weird this is, my mom dated an Islander when she was 17. Guy from the Virgin Islands. And I dated Theo when I was 17, who was Jamacian. Then she met a African guy at a house party with a lot of other Africans later. Like how I met Alajie at a house party with a lot of Africans. Then she goes on to tell me, they were both whores. Which she did say about Theo.. which was true.. got if you're catching on, this is bad news. But if this all plays out and I do follow my moms fate with guys, next, i'll be dating a guy from New York, lol.

At peace?

2009-01-18T02:36:00.007-05:00

So, me and my ex boyfriend finally made amends. And i'm really cool with his rebound girl, haha. We didn't talk everything out, but we both admitted we were tired of all the tension. I secretly won't ever forgive him and still enjoy his agony and suffering, but that's normal. Damn me, what's bad is how every time I kinda miss him I suddenly remember why I couldn't stand him, sheesh~

One part of me wants to ruin him.... but... come on.. really? Deep down, you'd have to do some downward low shit for me to actually PLAN a revenge sequence and play double agent, being your friend while secretly being your enemy.... well.. that 2nd part is kinda already there.. but being friendly for long will do nothing but make me forget. Which is good... it's not like I want to remember, but I can't forget either... i'm sorry.. It just wouldn't be fair to be too kind to someone who put you through things.. it's not.. whatever.

P.S This all better not fall back on me.. lol. Seriously.. x3

Eventful 1st week♥

2009-01-10T00:37:00.008-05:00

Ooookay.. what a wild vivid first week..

Alright, lets start this train..

Day 1 - 1/05
Picked up my schedule, found out the ex was in three of my classes, 1st period, 2nd and 3rd -___- Was bad news for me.. also, in two classes are the only times I get to see two of his friends that I became close to.. but since he's in there too, me and them won't be able to get along the same with him around :( But before that, went to the cafeteria during 2nd period and some people came from this Shakespeare theater here and said they were casting for Romeo and Juliet. A couple of us signed up ^^ Started my first Journalism class, I love it :) My health class is super large.. and I don't really get along with everyone there. Luckily one of my best friends are in there and a few of my lunch mates. Um.. in health some shit happened.. since it was the first class, we got partners and were to tell about them.. when my ex and his partner was up, she said he was in love with her friend, B.M. Oh my.. that made everyone look my way and freak, because they hooked up over the break and some didn't know me and him even broke up... yea.. ended the day badly.. more on my last blog about this.

Oh yeah, and my friend took my phone to the hospital and was suppose to come back by the end of the day. She didn't end up coming back until 7 something though.. um.. I got in a lot of trouble and stuff.. yeah... i was angry.

Day 2 - 1/06
My last post stated what happened so I'll keep it short.. girl my ex dated broke up with him and stuff, once people started rumoring around that I hated her.. um.. as I said, the day before, her friend tried to embarrass me by saying the ex loved her out loud, knowing I was in the room.. ah~ why bother? Not like I cared. But she thought it affected me so she talked to my close friends and finally came to me about it. We're cool... for now..

Day 3 - 1/07
Um.... dang, I don't really remember, lol. Started labs in Physics, um.. um...did work.. um.. health teacher didn't come to class.. had an okay time.. yeah. lol.

Talked to J, my ex's friend, spent a whole phone conversation talking about him and two other girls he's having issues with.. that was definitely memorable, x3

Day 4 - 1/-8
My first Shakespeare recital of Romeo and Juliet.. and I played Juliet, hah! How awesome is that? Did the famous scene too.. on the balcony :3 Didn't get it though.. I wasn't great, but I wasn't bad, as me and J, my ex's friend, saw their critic sheet, hehe.

This day, I realized I was sorta crushing on J.. me and him spent alone time together for the first time.. it was so weird.. all we did was talk about his issues with other girls at first.. when doing that, he was two seats away from me. Then when we stopped talking about it, he moved to the seat next to me and laid on me. We listened to music from then on without talking.. then my ride came, lol. x3

Oh, before where we practiced for the play, outta no where he put his hat on me! lol.. okay, so what right? But he only puts his hat or lets people see his hat that he is really comfortable with or likes.. and before, I could never see his hat without him getting agitated, lol. He came up to me and put it on me when I wasn't looking.. that's means I'm up in the special area with the others, LOL! Wth... i'm retarded. xD

Day 5 - 1/09

Today was cool.. had a real fire at school. Okay okay.. that's dangerous, but since I was in reporter mode, it was excellent. I was in 3rd period, Journalism, and my teacher sent me down to collect the clubs from one of the other schools for the yearbook. So, when I got there, another lady referred me to this person who had all the clubs and members. Then the fire alarm went off. We had just had a fire drill earlier and people do fake ones all the time, so people didn't bother to go out. So, on my way to this ladies room, a janitor rushed past with a fire extinguisher into the hall I was going down, when he opened the door, thick black smoke stormed out! Ah, the first thing I thought was, "OHH! It's real?! Where's my camera?!" lol.

So anyway, we managed to get nice pictures and I'm in charge of the article! Yay.. exclusive first article in yo face! :D

It was also this freaking day, the girl that just broke up with my ex, B, tells me to read her blog about someone.. it turned out to be about how she wants to be close to J again.. J is my ex's friend I'm liking. There were once really close and liking each other but she did something really bad and J couldn't forgive her. So now she wants to make amends. ERR.. could she pick a more wronger time?! lol.. I mean, I don't plan on going anywhere with him, but I like his company.. she'll mess that up for me.. -_- Damn.. stealing the guys I like.. trick.

Dorama? lol♥

2009-01-06T21:41:00.005-05:00

Yah.. so my ex decided to date this girl he wanted to bang.. she goes to my school.. me and her never had problems.. but like right after me & him broke it off, even besides the fact that he talked about her like a dog, they started dating. Mm.. of course this wasn't cool at all for me. Him being with someone he talked about like he could not stand her guts, and knowing how much she liked him before.. it all just seemed he used her for sex and to get back at me or make me look bad. Unfortunately.. it did nothing to me, because I already excepted it and moved on.. but more so, it did no good for either of them. Um.. so now ex is looking more like a jerk to more people, lol, and she's looking bad.. um.. maybe I should be happy right? Well.. all this actually only makes me feel bad for them. Really for the girl because she liked him from the get go, and he bad mouthed her, and went with her only as a rebound, and when things got obvious, dropped the idea and their relationship ended. Now.. neither one of them got what they wanted. How sad is that? Uh~ why do people have to be so stupid? I mean.. i'm one to talk.. but being naive is another thing from being illogical.

Ah.. whatever.. all this gives me more reason to focus on my school work.. so.. good for me, lol.
And I need focus because I have a lot to do.. my new classes consist of Journalism, which means I've been picked to work on the Senior newspaper and on the yearbook staff.. :3 Now, that's cool.. but that's a lot of responsibility.. so I have to stay focused. Um.. also General health and Legal Environmental Business are new to my classes. I'm sad I no longer have Psychology and Economics.. like.. honestly.. I loved those classes.. D: U.S. History can burn, xD

-+-+-

Wah.. first pic of 2009♥
@ the movies after going to see 7 pounds

Sorry for not saying, Happy New Year.. Mm, I went down town for the first time to see the ball drop.. it was pretty cold.. but not so cold wearing what I have on up above, hehe. I love those pants and that scarf.. the hat and sweater are vintage.. they're my aunts :)

Um.. just a few unthought-about resolutions.. straight off the top:
1. Do everything I can for college.. start being way more productive with scholarship sign up and applications.
2. When I have free time, think about what WORK i could be completing.
3. Cease to be naive to charming guys.. DO NOT give up anything.. and if he can't respect that.. then maybe he's not worth having.
4. Cease to ignore flirting.
5. Take more care of my health.. try to be more in shape.
6. Find a job..lol.
7. Don't just waste cash..
8. Practice driving.. lol.
9. Actually get use to studying..
10. Don't wait on others to help you.. fend for yourself.

That's all I have so far.. as the year progresses.. I know i'll be wanting to do more.. not like I actually believe in this stuff.. but there are things I know I need to do.

I hope everyone else is fine and in good health!

Merry Christmas x3

2008-12-24T18:34:00.015-05:00

Nothing much to say~
Really disappointed because the main gift I wanted to give my mom for x-mas I can't give her.. so that pretty much ended everything for me.. hm. I'm still hoping things don't go entirely wrong kinda like last year, where the things I wanted, I didn't get, lol.. so spoiled.

Well I mean, after all, after you turn 18.. people stop giving you gifts.. so the only thing you get maybe is cash, lol. Then, it's not all about the presents, the things I had planned with friends didn't all go as planned. :/

Ah~ I won't worry too much about it.. i'll just sleep nice this Christmas Eve and edit this after Tomorrow :3

Ehh.. I really like this picture :3 I wish I had on something Christmasy or nice instead of my lounging clothes.. again! Lol.. cause like every x-mas picture I take at home, I have on big shirts and baggy pants, lol. x3

---

December 26th

Yaaaay~ My mom's CD wasn't bad at all!! It was awesome! :3 The only problem is we couldn't get all the songs, but it still turned out really good. I even decided to make a playlist on my Imeem, exactly how her CD is.. so here it is :)

Pattys Soundtrack MIX

I didn't get all my presents yesterday. My purse, Vivienne Westwood jewelery, and hopefully my cd are in the mail on their way. I don't know when i'm going to get the Plo scarf I wanted and sweater, but I know i'm getting it, so I can't wait ^^
The day was really nice.. and I spent the night watching my first J-drama, Nobuta wo Produce and I just LOOOVE it. Omg, I see why people love Yamapi~ (lead singer of News) *o* Some may actually be less attracted to him because of how crazy, weird, or annoying his character is in the show, but me.. i'm turned on by it, LOL xD Idk.. I just don't ever fall for the popular, perfect, sweet talker like boys.. or jocks or whatever. I always like the eccentric guys that don't REALLY give a damn about people and do what they do just because, not to please anyone or have a "look". Any guy can look hott, but guys with that kind of laid back attitude and interesting qualities that make them way different from anyone else, SWOON me, xD Anyway, I finished the show and it was veeeeeeeery heart warming. Made me think all about the bonds of friendship, titles, and trust. :)

10 Things I didn't like:
1. How Akira and Nobuko didn't florish.. how he never really came out and said how he felt or how they never showed how she felt.
2. How Shuji didn't get with Mariko.. or atleast treat her nicer.
3. How Shittaka liked Nobuko and when things went bad they showed no more of it.. like it never happened :/
4. How odd things went on in the show that are normally supernatural and the characters seemed to ignore it.. example: the fact they all had the same dream, that there was an imprint in the grass from when Aoi jumped off the roof.. the laughing bird.. etc.
5. How they made it seem like Nobuko liked Shuji so much.. and how she never was that fond of Akira.. :(
6. How Akira left Noubuko at the end and went where Shuji was.. also how she told him to go using the excuse she loves them together.. it made it seem like, since Akira was there and Shuji wasn't, she doesn't want him at all.
7. How Shuji's dad seemed to let anyone in the house and let anything happen! xD
8. How Aoi didn't get hurt worse, lol.
9. How they didn't show Akira coming to the school from the helicopter, lol.
10. How it ended gayly with Shuji and Akira playing at the beach in their uniforms!!! -_- Atleast show later them meeting up together or something.. or they could of ended it where Nobuko was on the roof and shuji and akira were talking about her.. geez..

Enough rambling~ keke♥ Those show shall be finished over my holiday :3
In other news, I may be attending a friends end of the year party, themed for the 80's! :D
Now if anyone knows me, I LOVE costume.. dressing up a certain way period, so I am all over this idea, heheh. I wann go to the movies and see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. :)

Art & Music; entry for BB

2008-11-28T13:51:00.008-05:00

So.. I said I had two songs by Yiruma, famous Korean Musician, that reminded me of some of my friend Oranje's photography. She's never heard of him, none-the-less his music, so I decided to post this blog for her with the songs I think fit some of her pictures :)

The first song is the first ever I heard by him, called The Scenery Begins

The Scenery Begins - Yiruma

The next song is my favorite, called When The Rain Falls (raining version)

When The Love Falls(Raining Ve - Yiruma

Fall days..

2008-11-28T12:58:00.007-05:00

So.. I blame the bf issues and other issues plus my laziness in getting a job this year like I planned.. of course I could of still gotten one but with my late preparation for the SAT and ACT I didn't have time to be working anywhere..

So because of that, for my 18th birthday, which is coming up this Wednesday, December 3rd, I don't think i'll be getting any of the things i really want to have.. like.. no one has any money hardly.

I'm starting to think my birthday and Christmas presents are the ability to fail and retake my SAT and ACT tests.. they migth as well be, since the money my parents would use for my presents is going to that.. :( Those tests together are 70+ dollars!! I paid for the ACT first time I took it, that was $46, had a waiver for my SAT, paid for both the 2nd time, which is coming next month, and i'll be paying for the one's in January, that all together is $192... the damn PS2 slim i wanted didn't even cost that much! The upgrade I wanted for my phone didn't even cost that much! Omg.. this sucks.

As soon as I get a job, which i'll try to do before Christmas, I so have to pay back all that money.. plus I really wanted to save up for Momo-con in March ;~;

---
The rest of this post i'll be posting some of my recent pictures and ranting on about what new mainstream stuff I'm liking.. :)

081115.MKMF.Nobody(Tango & Disco ver.) - Wonder Girls

This video is so nice.. I anticipated the tango and disco version.. they're really nice.. and COOL opening :) The 2 pm (or is it 2 am??) solo is cut though. This version is Super clear and they all look really gorgeous :D

Break up..

2008-11-28T09:41:00.008-05:00

So.. I guess this is what I dreaded. I just never knew it would be as bad as it's been.. dammit.. that only means it would have been a lot better if it were done properly and sooner..

My goodness i'm horribly pathetic.. we broke up on some bad terms, but we both agreed to it, so it's not like we fell out of love.. who am I kidding? I must of loved him a bit more than he loved me. Or he was lying to me after a while.. because it seems he can't stand me and he's ready to move on.

I think the only reason he lingered was because he did have some lost memories.. but I think he originally stopped liking me that way a while ago and just wasn't ready to accept it, let alone deal with the aftermath.

Well.. i'm crying still.. because I'm just not grasping any of it.. I don't understand how anyone could be that way after being so close to someone.. that must mean he was already losing his feelings.. that just means when he said "no matter what we go through or how stressed I get, I still feel the same", was him in denial and guilt from not letting me know the truth.

Sir.. maybe we weren't cut out for each other... but who am I cut out for? Who will accept me no matter what? As you use to tell me? I guess i'm pretty dramatic.. but i'm sorry to say, the excuse I have is that I was never built up for this. I always stayed away from guys.. and even when I did like start something.. i never let it develop.. so letting my feelings develop, and having such high hopes.. i let my guard open so wide.. and everything got shot down.. so please don't blame me for being this way.. please don't shun me for over reacting.. i'm only a girl. And i'm honestly too nice for my own good.. or too naive I guess.. believing too much that things can get better.. focusing on the wrong thing.. it's not that they can't.. well.. i forgot, for things to get better you have to have people that want them to.. people who really care enough to try.. or people who have enough patience to. Is that what it was? You got too impatient? .. You no longer had the drive you once had..

I well enough know I should be done with you.. I well enough know you don't deserve my tears.. but I just can't lie to myself.. I can't pretend like you not caring doesn't hurt me.. Can we at least make things right? You said we could.. I thought you wanted to.. or was that just something spur of the moment? I obviously rid you of your feelings... but why? Do I sicken you that much? ......Well... i'm so sorry I exist this way.. I have no other excuses..

EDIT: 11:00
You say if you wanted to get rid of me you would of.. but I see you're better off and happier without me.. so.. why are we even friends? Just because? Why? So you rather be a liar than a jerk? Too worried the truth will hurt my feelings and make you look bad? Well.. you have nothing to worry about because it's not much left to save. Just cut me off so we can both get out of this crap..

Two weeks after halloween..

2008-11-14T03:37:00.009-05:00

So.. back before October 12, when I was suppose to be singing for the coronation, Mr. Carter said I was covered for the Senior Brunch on Nov. 9th, which was last Sunday. I have a song I made up like last year right before the summer break but didn't finish, called "My Name Is Woman". Well, originally for the Senior Brunch I was going to sing some cool jazz song to match the theme, I had no intention of performing a self-composition.. but since I decided to go with that idea, I finished it and practiced it almost everyday before the brunch. Like three days before the Brunch, stupid, late Mr. Carter decided he really wanted music to the song, so he asked cutie teacher from one of the other schools, Mr. Sterling, to be the music.. since he plays guitar.. :)

Um, I have to say, I wasn't too pleased with him bringing that up so late, especially since I mentioned having back up music before.. but I LOVED working with Mr. Sterling.. he's so adorable to me.. and I've never had my own music played over.. especially by someone else, so that experience was definitely amazing! Like seriously.. you have no idea how cool it is to hear a song you made up, played instrumentally! And I sung with him! And omg, Mr. Sterling is like the cutest lanky white guy..LOL. I'm so gay. Me and him talked about rock because he told me he was use to playing rock, not anything jazzy.. we talked a lot.. him and another hot teacher kept telling me how awesome I was and an excellent writer.. ahh.. smiles across the room. If my friend's weren't around so much at the time, i'd definitely be flirting.. I don't care if he's a teacher.. he was young though. But chill out.. it's not like i'd ever do anything, lol..

Moving on.. sadly Mr. Sterling couldn't preform with me.. but the performance turned out to be a HIT, and omg, it's Friday and people are still praising me! lol.. Hey, I like praise, especially for something I did that I was very passionate about.. but omfg, I hate being a celebrity. People are literally requesting my song at school.. or waiting on my next single.. like i'm some hot new artist. And the bad thing is, the teacher's aren't even stopping them.. they get into it too. I guess you guys are like...... um.. how is this bad?? Idk.. I've just never been the type to feed off limelight.. especially when it's brought out of like no where.. that's why i'm not a social-holic. I don't like big groups.. mostly when people you don't know are coming up to you asking you to sing and asking stupid questions.

ANYHOW, so directly after my standing ovation, parents are swarming in asking about the song and telling me to copyright it. Also asking if I could come to their church and do something at a hotel and stuff.. and recently our class president gave me a proposition. She said since so many people liked my song and request to hear it, I should be the vocals as well as the MC for our schools 2008-2009 talent show/ fashion show. And she also gave me the idea of announcing at the end of the show, the idea of performing for open mic/ karaoke Friday's at C lunch my self-composed songs. Like.. all the ones I want since I have so many laying around :) That's so awesome! lol.. I can't wait to do that :3 Just as long as people pay attention and aren't rude ^^

Feeling Hopeful :)

2008-10-20T16:16:00.012-04:00

Soooo.. I think me and BF are really good now... that is all. :)

This is basically a random blog.. flooded with pictures xD.. oh, and my aunt got a laptop.. i'll edited this and show pics of it.. she said it's not mine until i go off to college though, but I can use it while her and my mom are using desktop for work. :D

Um.. even though i'm in a great position with my relationship.. school is very tiring :/ I'm off track with college applications and essays.. i'm also off track with school work, and I have to rush before I hit my community service deadline and I have a lot of school stuff holding me back, like clubs and programs I have to work with x/ I need a break to get back on top of things... i'll be busy the rest of October and early November x(

Also, I got my ACT and SAT scores back.. they weren't great D:

Now time for Ayumi splurge!!

Pictures on recent underwear add, magazine scans and new commercial showing off her fitness!! :D

On another random note, I experienced tattoos on November 14th :D Late, but oh well.. after taking my ACT, me and my friend went to get her first tat for her 18th birthday.. just thought about it x3

Feeling Hopeless :(

2008-10-15T21:52:00.005-04:00

I'm sort of crushed right now.. I need to stop making myself believe things will get better. I may just have to face reality and see that me and my BF aren't going to make it. He's always had a thing about him that seems he's never been happy being with me so... I mean, I can't take just ignoring it, even if it's not entirely true. I know for a fact that he can't possibly like me.. why? There's plenty other girls way more interesting than me, much more attractive, more entertaining, more fun, easier to hang with, easier to talk with, more stylist and approachable. Not lame and boring and weird and dull like me.. I still don't know why he ever liked me. But it made me happy. It was exciting and lovely. Things now....... i seriously don't know how they even got to that point. Was it him, was it me? What went wrong? I know all this time I was blaming him, and it was mostly true all the time, but recently, I've realized how he could be so cold. I'm not worth fighting for. Not to him. Not anymore. Not when there's plenty better. And in that case, the only reason why he's holding on is because of my feelings. I keep telling myself it'll change, but.. i just doubt it. This.. this is worthless. I was much less in pain being single and lonely than dealing with having someone struggle to stay with me.. than being with a guy that can't stand me.

Why? Just leave me.. why don't you just leave? It'll be good for us.. you don't have to worry about me. Be happy. I'll be fine.. i'll last.. i'll last...... but.. if we keep toying with each others emotions, if we keep lying to our hearts.. neither of us will be happy. Atleast one of us will huh? I won't hold a grudge.. I won't hate you. I'll just leave. That'll make it all better. No more screw ups. Isn't that what you want??

Homecoming week ahead..

2008-10-12T20:44:00.005-04:00

Distraught: deeply agitated especially from emotion.
Yeah... that's what i'm feeling.

Today was a wasteful day. Actually, most of this whole week was wasteful, starting with Wednesday. Today was our coronation and I've especially been anticipating it since two weeks ago, for I was to perform in it by singing. All the days leading up to the Coronation, starting Wednesday, I started practicing my song that the person over it, Mr. Carter, gave me, Beyonce - Flaws and All.

I had 2 days to learn it fully and one day to practice my performance. I went through hell studying that song and preparing for the Coronation. But in the end, some new girl from California, Kiera, ended up taking my place and singing my song, only because she had a better performance, might I add was absent at the actual Coronation. So was her song... since she served it no justice.. I would go into how wasting my time really pissed me the hell off.. but that's not what currently bothers me.

What been going on for like a month now and over, me and my boyfriend have been having A LOT of down falls. What makes it even worse, after we settle it, it doesn't even last a day before we (really he..) act like bastards to each other. This last talk.. I really thought he'd be better finally. Especially since I let him know I don't feel like a girlfriend at all, and how he pays more attention to his friends, females and guys, than his own girlfriend. He understood, and so I thought.

The only reason I went to Coronation was for him, my friends, for the hell of it, and to see how it went. Mainly the first two. So the fact that I was still pissed about being booted out of Coronation, and I still busted my ass to be there for them, and that shit still didn't turn out good for me. AT ALL. Another thing, an outfit wasted :/ But more importantly, the ONE thing I would of liked is to at least get a picture of my friends, and be welcomed by my BF. I didn't get to see any of them, and the pictures I did take, were messed up. Then, I know my BF was tired and bothered, but he acted like a total ass. Not mean, but because he wasn't the least bit concerned about me. Like always...

Also, my aunt was being fucking annoying, and my mom a bitch for no reason. I don't need this shit. I need a fucking outlet. I have nothing to turn to when shit like this or worse happens. And it's getting quite tiring.

And to top fucked up things off, I forgot to go to my locker and get my book I needed to read.. *sigh*

Anyway, I am very much looking forward to homecoming week. I hope this week starts something good and enjoyable. I hope me and my BF actually do better, and I hope nothing goes bad. Even though I won't be able to attend the Homecoming game, because I'll be at a lame ass competition I promised i'd go to for a club i'm in, I hope I can go to the Homecoming block party! :D It seems like a cool party, so HOPEFULLY, that'll suffice :)

Enought with being excited, too busy being pissed off.

Remaining August

2008-09-01T13:07:00.014-04:00

So i'll update you guys on what's happened the past month. ^^;

Um so yea... I'm still having withdrawls from the Olympics being over. Although, I happen to be still pissed-off with America for giving little to NO attention to the winners that WEREN'T American, and put all the attention on those sore-loser dyke volley ball players, that freak merman, and that lanky, easy going, no-talent, rape victim, bitch, Nastia Lukin. BUT.. I'm still having withdrawls, so rip my heart out.

Anyway, schools started. My senior year... I still can't believe it. The one thing it seems my principal and I will ever agree on is 'you all won't feel like seniors until you graduate.' And I don't feel like one.. I just feel like i'm in school like any year.

Well enough with that.. let me show you some cool stuff now :3

So July and August was full of updating DA (deviant art). And some of my work got featured x3

Yeeeee yee! (lol.. idk..) So sadly it wasn't in the VERY front, that won't happen anytime soon.. and I had to go through categlories to find it, but I got it!! See the link beside it? :D And there's the picture itself ^^ You can say I was intrigued or bored to death.. mainly bored.. but I got all into commercial photography/ still life. I think I did pretty fair on the first pic so I went on :) I really like the second picture out of them all x3~ Idk.. I may edit it and re-upload it.

With this, the first picture was a sketch my good friend Tyone drew in her artbook that I was completely amazed with. So I was inspired to do my own full version, thus the picture next to it.. or a first atempt that is. It wasn't good enough, so I set it aside and came back later and re-did some things for the better, thus the below pictures; final versions.

I added a normal tribal tatoo, changed the headphones, decided to open the eyes and change the eyelashes, decided for smudged make-up, for a more lustful look, changed the wings a bit and also added to the hair. Scanned it, and darkened it.. finished product for line version. Version 2: Color overlay blue.. really added to the fantasy look so I stayed with it, decided to keep both as you can see. Later, i'll color it fully in photoshop or with artistic markers once I learn how to dominate it. ^^ I still like my friend's version.. it's so simple and yet beautiful.. plus the idea originated from her.. but I guess I'm satisfired how I took it and made it mine :)

These weren't done in August, the summer at all, but they were fairly popular then. Two of my favorite cloudy day pictures, and one of my favorite self portraits ^.^b

My most recent simple deviation of my delicious tuna melt! Cooking cool foods just makes me want to get into still life photography more instead of people and nature, lol. But I need practice.. this wasn't to good at all.. mainly just something tasty I wanted to show off ^^;

Sorry, one step out of my personal life... but OMFGz, Ayumi is smoking!!! xD HOMO.. LOLz. But seriously.. as soon as I start thinking she's getting old and losing her touch, she pops up with underwear modeling, lol. *fangirl moment* Ayu fighting! Even if you are half deaf girl, you still got those looks!! hahah..

What i'm missing..

2008-09-01T10:59:00.003-04:00

So... last night I got into a petty argument with my boyfriend that took it's turn for the sour worst. I've been sick lately.. all labor day weekend, with an excepting of when it started on Thursday, and I haven't been able to be my normal, random, cheery self. So... I was in a fuck-the-world mood all night without even noticing it fully.. until I finally slept and had a nightmare. I dreamt of most of my more depressing times.. my stressful times, my ditch deep times, my angry and suffocating times.. then all my happy memories came rushing to me at once.. and I woke up crying..... I don't think I've ever woke up crying... fell asleep crying yea, but I never really dreamt about anything without thinking about it, and it actually took a toll on my body. Once I realized I was crying, I couldn't stop.. I just started wailing for a while thinking about all the missed people and memories that had left me or were taken from me.. I hadn't given them a thought in a while..

So I finally got a hold of myself and took a short warm shower, texted my boyfriend an apology, texted an old best friend, and sat here listeing to the epilouge for A Tale of Two Sisters until I regained full control of my actions.

I was kind of scared.. sense I never experienced anything like that. Sure I've hit rock bottom like that before, and sure it was over the same issues, but they never seeped out on their own.

Hm... oh well. I guess it was bound to happen.

Anyway.. today it happens to be raining.. just a little bit, and it's dim and white outside. If I had a great camera and a great bike, I'd ride around so many blocks to capture something similar to how I feel. That's what I feel like doing. And maybe I'd have my own classical soundtrack to ride around to... one song on auto repeat.. until the rain started getting heavy, and the sky darker, and I'd have to ride all the way home.

Oi! Senior year~

2008-08-18T16:50:00.005-04:00

August 18th

Ok, so with the finish of the first week and the start of the second, my B-day is really not so bad. I actually enjoy it. I actually like my classes. I think the only classes I just really won't like so much would be Chemistry, which is sad since I use to love that class, and U.S. History. Even though my teacher is awesome, learning that shit is hard. Geez, i'll have to focus a lot more.

August 11th

So, today starts the end of my first day at school!! Lol.. didn’t really intend to go at all, but THANK GOD I decided to! Today wasn’t a dead day, it was really smooth. And the best part is, I have no homework. Yes sir, A Day is 75% WIN for me ^.^

So, it started off with me walking into the cafeteria blindly passing my homeroom table and finally finding it. Around the time the principal was talking about the new dress code, and in which I DID wear my school shirt, he decided to use me as an example. God, it sucked, but it was really good too, because it calmed me down and was very refreshing. Especially when the people started clapping , hooting and hollering. Then what’s also great is, a lot of guys and people I don’t know were like, “hey you, you were the one they made an example of today right? Oh, what’s up? How you doin?” LOL And a lot of people were just nice today. Even people I don’t like, it was fun with them. I wonder how B Day will be.. Good too I hope..

So after that, we headed to homeroom, which took away 15% WIN out of 100 in the whole day. You see, I was really hoping for a nice homeroom, but it turns out it SUCKS. BUT.. everyone didn’t come, so HOPEFULLY someone I like or get along with is in there. Two of my closest friends are in there now, but they’re transferring schools in like a week.. ;~;

Afterward, first period would be Chemistry 2. Went over no science what-so-ever, just introduced ourselves to the new teacher with a game. Had fun.. will continue next class ^^
2nd period would be Entrepreneur Vent. Eh.. took about 5% WIN. :/ It was going goo until the teacher started getting into a lot of stupid stuff…. UH.. it was lame and I find it my most useless class period.

3rd block.. U.S. History. Had an excellent time in there.. the teacher is one hell of a teacher, and I like him because he takes no bullshit and he’s not fake at all. Everything about him is awesome, straight forward, and cool. I’ll enjoy learning in his class..

Lunch was the best. Not the lunch of course, lol. But what happened. Okay, so all the while I was in the line, Theo kept coming near (NOTE: this is my boyfriend and we almost broke up so we’re keeping our distance a bit) or sending his group he hangs with over to pester me and my group of people. Haha.. at first it was annoying, then it was funny, then it was awesome! Lol. He hit my like go-to buddy Tae in the neck and walked away.. then he sent his best friend Jordan over to bother me, and Jordan never bothers me. That there was really cute, lol. THEN, Jody even kept sending signals and Theo his self tried to bother me. Then I just started bothering Jordan and everything started to cool down. Then in the hall, Theo decided to take my schedule, UH.. but it died down.. it’s good now.

Um, last class started off SO boring.. took 5% of WIN.. but it ended up great and very interesting :]That’s when the all mighty bell decided to ring and school was out and here I am. My friends went down town for lunch and just to shop around, but I ended up coming home. I really hope we could go out tomorrow together. That would be nice :)

•Herndan Home•

2008-07-05T13:04:00.012-04:00

So! Right about now i'm going into my 5th hour working, feels like working, but i'm not getting paid cash.. (community service;volunteer work) at the Herndan Home museum! I'm on an hour break right now, just spent about 5 minutes talking to my "boss" (head director) and now waiting for my colleuge (other tourist) to pick up lunch. Dude.. I could eat a ketchup packet, but honorly she's going to Papa Johns! Wooooot! Lol.. i don't even like that place like that.. but it's better than Dominos and it IS food. Hahaha..

Um.. my camera is retarded, so I didn't get to sneak all the shots I could, but I did manage to get most of my favorites :)

Uh, for those of you that don't know, I need community service to graduate.. it's required for everyone at the school. And one of the teachers told me about this place, so I checked it out, and it's really awesome, so here I am on my first day of work, lol. I've done paper work and already went through orientation and stuff of that nature 2 weeks ago. Today i've been working the gift shop counter, that I've set up myself, being the cashier too, greeting tourists, and assisting tours. Also, the head director, my "boss", Ms. Cherry, brought her super adorable 6 year old son Caleb, so I kinda HAD to babysit too.. but that part was fine because he is just awesome x3

The front of the house, the left side where the big tree is that was planted there when the house was first built in 1901 :D

On the right porch and down the stairs to the back.. I just loved this.. it's my favorite way to go.. hehe. And the steps to the roof I still haven't been up yet.. x/ There's actually like two more sets of stairs.. but I couldn't get the whole picture in time because someone was coming, lol. *Fail* x]

The breakfast room, one of my favorites! And a model of the house.

My work area for now, from a customer stand point.... kinda. This is the downstairs station.. well, the office area anyway.

Please do not copy or redistribute without permission.

I didn't get a chance to get a lot of pictures, and great ones at that. It's hard working with a retarded camera when you're not suppose to have one at all.. lol.

July Is Anew

2008-07-01T08:30:00.009-04:00

July 2nd :]

Heyo~ I had this in draft a day.. it was meant for the date above.. x]

Today, I went to the movies with my.. semi-boyfriend, as I like to call it, and all I have to say is.. i'm very disappointed. Is this it? Is this the grand thing i've been waiting for? Forever i've daydreamed about great guys i'd fall for.. and actually experienced it with some, but never gotten so deep in it, it'd be something that two people could have. But now that I have.. there's nothing. Is it because of the guy? I don't understand.. LOL! I mean.. when i'm not with him, I want to be with him, and thinking of him and talking with him makes me happy, the best ways! But when i'm with him... no spark, no nothing.. I can't even be relieved with a kiss, what is it? Why am I not falling into his lap every chance I get? It seems so incomplete :/ Is it because I've thought about it too much, and now it's happening I don't want it anymore? Lol.. that's crazy.. I'm really lost. Then this idea came up (what a friend said): "You want something so much, not because of the person, but because you just want to be IN love. The idea of being with someone, you want it, but you actually have no one that you care for." WTF?! Is that true?!?! O_o Gosh i'm screwed up.. that can't be completely right.. because I know I have feelings for him... don't I? Omg...... i think I don't.... when I think about him.. it's not really so much HIM i'm thinking about... it's any guy : Dammit.. what to do.. what if i'm wrong.. x/

Remaining Days of June (news)

Just two things I have to mention for the remaining days of June.. One, the community service mentioned in my last post, me and my mom went down to the Herndan Home Musem and met the main director, and the place was AMAZING. Gosh, that house was so beautiful. There will be a honoring of the Herdan family this Saturday and i'll be answering phones and leading people to the main events. I am SO, going to sneak my camera and take some shots! :3

Two, OMFG! I am so happy, but at the same time kinda dissappointed in myself. Okay, here's the thing. Ever since I saw the independant movie, Saving Face, not only did the movie send a sense of awesomeness for all independent movies about foreigners and sexuality, but I totally fell in love with a song from it! And knowing me, I love discovering new music :] So.. I looked up the movies soundtrack, and ASSUMED, the song was Strange Love by some lady named Leona Naess, because her voice sounds just like the one in the movie, and the title is perfectly matched. So, it's been like 2 years since i've seen this movie, and I was ready to purchase the soundtrack just for that song and everything, because I couldn't find it anywhere else. Until one day, someone on Imeem had the song, but when I listened, it wasn't it. I thought, maybe it was a mistake.. so I continued to look. All these month, i've been searching. Then like, last week, by accident, I saw someone on a forum talking about the song.. and they say it's by a group called Cat Power, and i'm sitting here wondering........ "Why do I know this name?..." Then it hits me! Bb's blog! Not too long ago, I read a blog of my friend's, and she was talking about how she liked listening to that group! And I KNEW it was from her I heard of them, because I remember thinking it was the weirdest group name ever. So I go on Imeem and look up Cat Power, and I look for the song they said was from the movie, "I found a reason", and bam.. it's the lovely song I'd been searching for : I was speechless, LOL.. I had been looking for quite a while.. and getting involved all in the wrong artist, xD! But I found two nice songs by Leona Naess.. but, she wasn't the singer of that song. And of course for that, I feel stupid.. lol. And now dissapointed because the song is so short :o But oh well.. at least I have it. *squeeeee* x3

I found a reason - Cat Power

Here below are picture that were taken all in the month of June, from later to earlier in the month :] I hope this makes up for me being gone a bit.. i'm gonna try to blog more now..
These here pictures are old ones I recently edited just because.. The first one's from the summer of 2005, and the second one was on my birthday, December 3rd, 2007 at Benihana.. it's been cropped though, so you don't see the restaraunt..

I loved both of those hairstyles, but then I hated them both too, because curls are one hell of a thing to handle! They're the most difficult to keep intact and they don't last.. :(

June 28-29th w/ Areku ☻

We went to the movie and movie hopped, as the past Monday was her birthday.. we were suppose to go to thee Hi Musem and then the movie and then out to eat at Benihana, but plans were changed and we just went to 3 movie, stopped at Panda Express, and I spent the night. :) Tyone got a Wii for her birthday, so after the movie we went to target, best buy and Circuit City to look for cheap games. She ended up getting Soul Caliber. ^^ During all that, I bought new pantsu (lol.. panties, mind you..) at target to stay over originally, but I got some cute fancy ones, and then went over to ross for an outfit.. didn't get it though, sadly, but we did have fun acting crazy taking pictures in it :D

Lol.. her face goes well with the broke off sign.. x]
Lol.. I loved that dress.. and I got shoes to go with them, but I didn't end up buying it.. I regret that now.. :(

The next day, we went to choir rehearsal with her aunt and to church.. the hallway to their apartments reminded me of the one in The Shinning, LOL.. it was way long and empty.. very cool.. I had to get a picture.. but I didn't get a chance to show off the long hall.. after this picture, we were gonna take on in the long hall, but the camera shut off :/

June 21st-23rd w/ Tae and Shanee ☺

Oh, we had fun! The first day we went to the mall together and ate at Tacobell, then treated ourselves to brownies and cookies at Häagen-Dazs! Which was totally worth it.. we scoped out guys, nice clothes, and saw friends, then afterwards, we cam-whored leaving! :3 Then we took a LONG train ride home.. x/ The next day, Shanne left, but I stayed.. we recored videos and watched movies.. I won't be putting the videos on here though.. sorry. :x

Shanee much?! :o Cam-whore!!! Lol..
On the LONG train home.. lol~
Tae's loveable but annoying doggies x]

AYU pwns 08

2008-06-09T16:46:00.007-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't been updating.. honestly I have a lot of entries in draft.. also, I have 2 other blogs I frequent.. so you can always check those if you don't see any updates here. The links are down on the right navigation.. right under the exits back to me, my 2nd and 3rd blog.

And a token of my apology:

Ayumi Hamasaki High Quality 2008 Calendar Scans :) ..(w/o cover)

.Tired friends.

2008-04-19T16:58:00.004-04:00

The last time I checked my horoscope was Tuesday, the 15th I think, while I was at the beauty shop getting my hair done. I was recently mad at my friend for basically ruining my horrible Spring Break. Until I read what the horoscope said. It read something like: 'People are getting on your nerves a lot lately, especially for closest friends. But don't let it get to you so much. It's really the state of mind that your in, and not so much your friend's ignorance.'

That alone right there made me think about the whole situation over. I always tend to think about other's feeling in a conflict, and never just my own. That's why I tend to blow things off so much. Otherwise, I'd probably be all psychotic. But holding all that in doesn't really help either. It really wears down on me. But in this case it made sense. It's the fact that I really thought I was going to do something and got all excited about it, and threw away all my other plans for it. And then just like that, it was taken away from me. But it really wasn't so much her fault. I was just more angry because of the dissappointment. Also the bordom that came right after. So I called her while I was at the shop to tell her, but I couldn't do it. It felt right, but for some reason with her, nothing is ever taken seriously, like really. And I don't want to look like an ass being all serious when she's all, "Oh! You felt that way? HAH! You're such a loser.. ew." And then that'd just make me mad all over again.

The hard thing is. One the phone, everything goes fine. But when were together, she acts so different. I mean, it's the same, but she's like all bitchy and self centered for no reason. Even if she does notice, after it's too late though, that it's really annoying me, she says she's playing, and that's cool, but I really DON'T want to kid around all the time. I mean, what's funny about truthful insults that don't seem like "playing" anyway? It's annoying and tiring. It's like.. geez, I don't know when you're kidding or serious. It's all fucking bipolar. What the hell? Who wants to deal with that?

This is how most people see it: Oh! Your friend is an hateful ass? Dump her! There you go. Problems sovled.

The way I see it: If you rid away a bad problem that's never ALWAYS there, you're also ridding off all the adventurous, exciting, interesting, awesome, fun times.

That sucks. But I am indeed tired of it. But the thing is.. I already gave her a talk and a letter along time ago on these situations, but it didn't seem to make a difference. I'm starting to think she really just doesn't care. And then, I still think about how that one time she lied to me about a story and she went on about it like she does everything she talks about. So then.. if she lied to me in such a believeable way, and it was just like any other story she tells, how do I know she hasn't lied before? Or still does all the time? How can I trust that she really agrees with what I tell her or really gets me when I tell her how I feel? How do I know she's not just taking to see what kind of person I am and just works around it the way she thinks it works. I'll never know, you know? You can't really trust anybody. Dammit, I feel like a fucking pond in a chess game when I think about this. I try to just overlook it, but I really want to talk about it. But then I can't because she could just lie. I mean, really.. how annoying is that?

Most people, even myself would of said by now, "Omg! Dump her! What kind of friend is that?! You're an idiot! Why would you be friends with a person like that? REALLY.." But for the first time in my life, I can't even make a decision for the better of myself. I mean, God, even she's simply said, "If I'm that much trouble and you don't like it, don't be my friend." It's so simple, but what the hell! This isn't fair!

Standing problem. :/

Escape from reality....

2008-03-31T18:35:00.010-04:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again.. anime is my escape from reality. Not just a good story, not just amazing characters, but more than that. Yes it's cool, I'm into it, it's fun, it's like no other.. but I've only realized today all of those other times I've said it was like an escape from hardships, I've only realized today it really is. Not music, not a movie, not family, not close friends, not a good book, but anime.

Today there was a HUGE controversy between two friends of mine that got really bad and really dangerous. It's so hard dealing with all that and still doing school work.. so I decided to unattached myself from them for a little bit. But the thing is.. when I came home, all I wanted to do was forget about it and watch this new anime I love called Red Garden. I just knew when I did, I'd feel a lot better and get my head back on my shoulders. I guess I can say it lets me know that there are other problems in the world or that I have other problems of my own, and I should be allowed to sit down and relax some times. I'm so glad I ever discovered it. It teaches me and informs me of things I never knew sometimes, and without it, I most likely would have taken different steps in situations. Probably wrong ones. It opens my eyes to some things, and helps me have self control and learn more about myself. I know that all sounds stupid or corny or whatever, but it's so true.

Then as an upside.. blogging also helps me relieve a lot of tension. So I'll blog a bit about the anime I've mentioned. The opening theme is below.

"Watching the opening... you would think that the show was something like "Paradise kiss" or something... never would have expected a horror anime." - says a member of youtube.com x3

And I totally agree with it. And not only does the opening remind you of ParaKiss, but the stylish clothes and attitude on some characters really do. But then that's where the twist occurs. It's nothing about fashion. I also like the reality of the anime. Not so much the plot, since it IS psychological, but the actions of the people. Often in any other anime, the characters are either very fake or tend to over exaggerate a lot, or don't do enough of something. Also, situations are so cliche'. Like a main character in danger, and then right before tragedy, they get saved just in time? That crap doesn't happen in real life! And you don't get many animes like that. So this change is one that I'd like to follow. Even though any other time i'm not really into psychological/ horror animes, but it seems nice so far. Kind of reminds me of Blood+. But I never finished Blood+ so.... I don't know. Hopefully this doesn't happen the same way and lose interest.

Ah... Sundays.

2008-03-02T14:38:00.005-05:00

Normally, maybe they aren't always so great. But now It's days like this where I just feel super relaxed. I know that my days are rough, i know my hours aren't treating me nicely, I know people are being assholes and "friends" aren't making it better. But I just feel so happy when no one is around, and I can enjoy a nice tall glass of ice tea and watch a dramatic movie, or I can enjoy some vanilla ice cream and watch a soap opera or Reality TV show. Or even listen to music for 3 hours and catch up on some anime I've put down. And nothing else matters...

I love days like this. It leads me to believe things can be a lot better. And it's funny to notice how nice lies can be.

2008; NEW YEAR!! / 1st week

2008-01-12T15:44:00.000-05:00

So, my first week of school..

Tilford's not in Graphic Arts with me anymore.. sad part of the new year.. but he's still in my 7th period; Accounting.

Naimah isn't even in any of my classes anymore D: And Shante is only in Accounting.. I have first period with Mr. Hollis now..Trigonometry.. but I learn more than I did before.. so i'm fine with that.. also with Mr. Lee all my friend are out of my class.

I no longer have to retake World History :D And I have a new class with Mr. Lakhani called Ethnic Studies.. it's basically another perspective on History, instead of what is out in the open.. really nice so far.

Ms. Kelley's class is the same.. different people.. blah blah.. umm.. Ms. Gladden's class is still the best.. Tayanna isn't in there anymore, which is sad.. but I still have my other friends.

Spanish is totally different, but it's about the same.. I do miss my old classmates though.. =/

And I think that covers it on school..
---

X-mas was not as pleasing as it has been over the years.. maybe because I'm getting older? Maybe because no one wanted to spend money? But I received Jan Kurotaki's Everybody Cosplay photobook.. so I'm good.

New Years eve was stupid because I was mad my mom wouldn't let me go over Marteshus's house.. but the next day I went shopping..

After New Years I received Ayumi Hamasaki's 10th Anniversary CD+DVD+Photobook, GUILTY :D Sadly enough, the DVD's regin code isn't compatible with our DVD player. T-T We're trying to find out if anything can be done to work it.. if not, I'm screwed.
---

In other news.. What about Ayumi Hamasaki?

Even without me posting a blog about it, I'm sure you all know she's come out with another album that was released January 1st, entitled Guilty. Well i'm happy to own it :] But now i'm sorry to say after the release of this album, bad news was out about Ayumi. Please click this link to find out..

And moving on.. these are just scans showing the making of Ayumi's newest videos.. and scans from SCawaii!! Magazine :]

Old things come to light..

2007-12-24T04:45:00.000-05:00

You know how you might see something one year, and just like it because it's pretty or appealing to you, even though you don't know what it is? Then like the next year or maybe even years later you find out what it is and you're like, 'OMG! I know that! That was that?! I saw it along time ago, I can't believe it!' lol. Well, with me that's happened with a lot of Asian artists too many times, lawlz. Like long time ago I had a picture of Namie Amuro, and like 2 years later I found out who she was x/

Anyway, these pictures on the right of the group of girls, I've had it on my computer for like, I suppose a year or so.. because I loved the different uniforms and wanted to use it for fashion ideas. I knew they must have been a girl group.. but the site I got it from was in Korean, so I didn't try to find out. Less than a week ago I was on Veoh watching Koda Kumi's new yideo with Tohoshinki (TVXQ; DBSK), and I clicked this video under related videos, just
because the still caption looked interesting. So I watched it like the next day and it came on with these 5 girls in school uniforms.. I kept thinking it reminded me of something, but I didn't know what. So after watching the video , knowing I hadn't seen it before.. I know i'd seen those girls before.. and earlier that day I had just cropped one of these pictures into a banner I was making for someone. And then it hit me.. there was 5 girls in this group and they were Korean.. all had black hair too. So I looked at my pictures and watched the video. The name of the group was Wonder Girls, so I looked them up. When I did I found a picture similar to the one's on the left.
This here. That's when I knew they were the same people. Haha.. it was just weird that it was them, because there was only two people I thought looked the same, the rest I could hardly tell apart. But anyway, here's the video I saw of them. It's called Tell Me. It's kind of weird, but a good PV because the Wonder Woman thing was hilarious and I loved their cute cheerleader-ish dance moves and clothes. :]

Online Videos by Veoh.com

First day of Winter :]

2007-12-22T12:42:00.000-05:00

Yep, I haven't posted in a long while. And I usually just make one friggin' long entry about all the days.. but this time it'll be short. Oh.. and I thought the first day of winter is on the 21st?? o-o

December 14th

The first time I saw my friend Kai since spring, and hung out with my old best friend Marteshus since God knows how long ago.. We all went to Atlantic Station. Did we take pictures? No. Why? Because we're retarded and forgot to bring the cameras! x| But we enjoyed ourself while freezing our asses off. It took us a good dramatic few hours to get settled, but we all got to go. We shopped around and ate, paraded in bars, ice cream parlors and restaurants.. danced through the streets, and hit it all off with a movie! Saw I Am Legend :] Kai didn't see it though because she had to be home by 11. Me and Marteshus got home at 1:30+ that night since we had just turned 17 ^.^

December 15th

Went to my aunt's friend's Chinese Christmas party. There were just a lot of adults, but it was nice and warm :] Now, Chinese Christmas is just basically a raffle game. I guess it's from Chinese Tradition. There were presents everywhere, and everyone there over 14 had to pick a number out of the basket. What ever number you have, means whoever has a number under your's, you can get there present if you want. If you don't want anyone's present, you just go under the tree and what box you want. So say if I had number 1. I go up to the tree and pick a present, then open it in front of everybody. It turns out to be a power drill. They get to number 11, he wants my power drill instead of a present under the tree, so he takes it. Which sucks that someone can take your present. The second part to the game is, once someone takes you present, you're left with none, so you have to go back under the tree and open another one. You keep going this until the last number is reached. And you can only take presents from people with number's under yours. So it's great to have a large number. :] One boy, everyone kept taking his presents so he had to keep going back, lol. But that's good too because you get to open the other present you had in mind and see what it is, also have a chance to have it ^^

My first present was a humidifier and water purifier.. some girl took it and I got stuff with a set of flash lights Dx. But some guy took it and gave me his alarm clock and I gave it to my mom because she needed a new one. That worked out well. ^^ Then my aunt got a telephone and she gave it to me :D So now I have a new touch screen phone in my room. *yays* It's cool. They had a lot of appliances, let alone stuff like jewelry and clothes or whatever. But that's great because I go into college soon. Saves me a lot of shopping and money!

No way.. :o

2007-12-06T01:42:00.001-05:00

I'm so fucking angry about that because now I feel left out.. i'm like the only one who hates this girl.. I hate feeling like the bitter bitch T.T And it's all Tilford's fault for bringing me into this when he was all serious with her. They've been like dating for 5 years! Then it's like my fault for being so naive. Like, I like him because of all the attention he gives to me and how he flirts and it's always cute. But I should take his flirting as him just being a guy, not a guy that's crazy over me. Like when guys do that I end up falling for them easily because i'm not so use to all that .. UGH. I hate myself. I'm so inexperienced. x(

3 days after my birthday, I received the craziest shit news I've EVER received in High School. I've mentioned Tilford and the whole story with him and his girl friend Kenya in the post before this and a lot of others. And you all should know of my friend Tyone (areku) from my Nana Day posts, and other, and her friend Chyna too. Well, u know the anime convention right? Me and Tyone went at the end of September, right? So we looked for Tilford and Tyone's friend, Chyna like through out the entire day. But anyway, I knew of her friend Chyna from long time before the convention because before Nana Day, I talked to her about helping to sew my outfit.. back like in Spring. She sews.. but anyway, I talked to her b4 on the phone and we hung out at the convention and I had heard from her from Tyone and everything.

So, like from October to mid-november, I had been hating Tilfords girlfriend. She sickened me and I hated that she was always around some of the people that liked me, it made me annoyed and uncomfortable. But recently, I realized even if Tilford and her did break up, i figured I wouldn't date him or he wouldn't wanna date me, just get in my pants. Then he'd eventually get back with Kenya. I also realized how much they still like each other, and how they'd been together for 5 years.. all that, plus the drama, I was tired of. So i decided to just forget about it and go with it trying not to worry about them. Since late November & this early December, i've been alright with it, and proud of that. Until I found out something today from Tyone. Here's a post she put up on her blog that she told me to read:

Such a small world we live in. Today Chyna was talking about artists on deviant and I mentioned Tilford. And she said, "Yeah he's my friend.", and I said, "He's my friend too but I think I knew him first." She said no way. I said yes way! *complete valley girl moment* Anyway we went on with that for like 5 mins until she said, "I knew Tilford first because he's sister Kenya's boyfriend!" I was like OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder is it the same dude she was talking about when we went to the movies. I think I told her to leave his sorry ass.

*Note by me (portia):* Long time ago, I think last year, Tyone told me about how her and Chyna went to the movies with her half sister. Tyone thought her name was Ashely all this time. Tyone had said she fell asleep before the credits came on and how that whole day she made it fun because Chyna was being mean. Omg, that was Kenya?! OMG!!! What are the fucking odds, dude?! That's Chyna's sister?!?! I hate that girl! And Chyna is cool. What else is just weird as hell, Tilford was with me and Tyone at the Convention and so was Chyna, but they were never there together. Chyna knows him and he knows her. That is so freaky they never saw each other. But actually, they could of saw each other, but since they didn't know we knew them, they didn't say so, lol. Coincidence. Also, Tyone told me how at the movies that time, Chyna's sister complained about her boyfriend after the movie, Tyone told her to leave him, lol. And she said Chyna told her about him on the phone some times, but what's crazy is, neither of them never mentioned his name. If they did, Tyone would of known long time ago because of me mentioning him! Okay, on with her post.*

Anyway I found it so amazing that Portia doesn't really know Chyna and I do, we go to the same school. And I don't know Kenya well, but her and Portia know each other and they go to the same school! Woah! Just think if I never knew that Tilford existed, this circle wouldn't have been found out. Now it makes me wonder how many people are out there that have connections to people they don't know about. It's so cool.
---

Omg, Tyone said Chyna was shocked to find out that Tilford was the guy that I had been having issues with and I was the girl that was giving her sister and her boyfriend more problems! I was like.. wait! Kenya had been talking about me to her then.. I knew I wasn't the only one that knew of that issue. x/ And I see her tomorrow too, both of them! Oh hell.. I don't wanna deal with any drama! Because Chyna knows how I felt about her and she's her sister! Who knows what she told Kenya that she didn't know before! >:|

[edit]
The week when this happened, I realized that Kenya was VERY distant of me. One week after it happened, Kenya stalked me to the class and finally came to me and asked if I knew Tyone and Chyna. We talked about the coincidence for like 10+ minutes, and then again later for 5 minutes at the end of class. That was our only confrontation. We both failed to bring up the fact that Tilford was ruining his relationship but playing around with me. We both failed to mention the hidden hatred we had toward each other. We both excluded the fact that we knew from our friends/ siblings, that we had talked about how we couldn't stand each other. We didn't bring up the fact that we both were heart broken by the same guy, but continued to care for him. And I really think it'll never be brought up. But that fine now.

Ever since we had that talk, we've been able to approach each other now.. we've been able to witness each other's presence and laugh at each other's jokes. One thing, when Tilford and us are all around each other.. there's still a weird vibe. Like he doesn't open up. But since I shouldn't be so close to him anyway, I'm not so worried about it like I was.

Recently, Kenya's been coming up to me and talking to me about random stuff, and I usually do the same thing in response. That gets kind of bland, but her being all bright and smiley when she's waving at me, is the best change :D So it's cool now.. great I don't have to worry about so much Drama anymore ^-^
[/edit]

Oh what?.... Again?

2007-11-28T01:10:00.001-05:00

Yep.. that's right.. in addition to this post, I have created yet ANOTHER online blog, that happens to be at Xanga.com. D: Dammit, why can't you all just have an account here?! Now I gotta mange 3 blogs.. and I tell ya, I think both of the new ones will just turn out like this, tired and ranty with no one reading. How unfortunate. I feel like a super boring person who has to result in blogging about my feelings and everyday life because nothing interesting happens, so I find a way to make normal things over the top and shit. *sob* Well screw you if you think that! xD

Goodnight~ school life tomorrow. Maybe something normal will happen and I can come blog about it :D

Tuesday*-♥

2007-11-20T23:58:00.000-05:00

My day: It started with watching Ants in Spanish 2 and going to homeroom. Then Chemistry followed; We calculated our test average and found out what our strengths and weaknesses were. Then we did some 10 minute work and ate powdered donuts, three types of honey buns, two 2 liters, and some jelly creme puffs. Ms. Gladden was trying to make sure we gained weight before break! Chilled with everyone until the end of class.

5th period, chilled with my grand daughter, Alice, lol xP
Looked at cars, got jumbo donuts, played with some guys, played some cards, talked.
Tilford's GF kept looking over at me.. I wasn't being loud on purpose and I think she noticed that. Like usually, she's always pushing herself on her own man to make me, some girl, feel bad he's not mine. Pathetic right? Like, she's that threatened? I never claimed him.. i'n never all over him. It's the other way around. I find that so funny how people can be so insulted over nothing.

But anyway, I did realize she was pushing herself on him, but I was having so much fun, and I was just like, 'Dude, we're getting out of school, chill please.' I went over to Tilford with no hesitation, I talked to him with his girl there like the friends we always have been, and went about my business. She couldn't believe it.. she felt bad. I was kind of relieved, because I wanted her to realize along time ago that she was the only one fighting for anything. It was stupid.. but whatever, that's her. At some point she really realized it because I made a comment about people taking their anger out on others because of their issues. I was referring to her and Tilford.

Moving on, lunch was crazy as usual.. bah. Went on to 7th period; Accounting. We watched Home Alone 2.. but I was just chilling with Terry and Tilford.
Terry and me are great. We get along, but Tilford and I, he's just so uptight most of the time. Mainly because of Kenya, his girlfriend. I think her up-tightness is rubbing off on him. -_-

All through the class he kept being an ass.. then I just got pissed off and started beating on him.. we got in trouble with the teacher, lol.. but she just lectured us. Afterwards, he was still bothering me, so instead of resulting to violence, I pulled my hood over my face. I had my jacket on backwards because he kept being perverted and it was hot in her class. So like right when I did that, he smacked his teeth because I stopped listening to him. So I took my hood off and narrowed my eyes at him and said, "Dude, just shut up.. you're being an asshole, I don't care what you have to say anymore.. i'm gonna ignore it now.", and put my hood back on my face. Right when I did that he took my head in both of his hands and decided to press his lips where mine where underneath the hood.. ._. I had nothing to say, I just took my hood off and stared at him looking confused. He just put a stupid smirk his face like a dirty old man and turned the other way. By that time Terry was napping, so he didn't see any of it. Ugh! I hate when he has the upper hand. I don't know if he did that because he had the urge to, or if he thinks he can get his way if he does some stupid shit like that. I sure hope not! I can see him now, "Oh, she's issed off. Let me do this so she can forget all about it." Fuck no, that's fucking insulting! He better not think that way!

I mean, don't get me wrong, of course I liked that, he's someone I like, but I'm not a simple bitch. You can't just kiss or hug or touch and do whatever a girl likes just to make them shut up or happy with you! How insulting. It's like, shit, yeah we like it, but some of us have pride! Why would I openly enjoy what you did when i'm pissed off at you? That makes it seem like, 'well you treat me bad, but i'll forget all about it when you do (fill in the blank).' Some needy idiot girls will do that, maybe his fucking girlfriend, but he forgets I'm not his girlfriend! And I mean, come on, like I don't realize behind all that glorifying, you're just in it for yourself so everything can be easy for you. I am NOT an idiot. Sheesh.

A welcoming thanks giving-

2007-11-20T00:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, me and my friend Kai were discussing whether or not she could and/or should, spend thanksgiving with my aunt, my mom and I. I don't have a problem, my mom currently doesn't like her, and my aunt likes none of my friend but like 5 or something. But after our argument last night, I don't think it's going to happen.

Today is the last day of school before Thanksgiving. We actually should of got out on Friday, but this school system's ridiculous like that. Anyhow, yesterday was suppose to be my presentation for American Lit, but we didn't go to class because of a 3 hour long unimportant test; one that has saved me so far.

Um.. I would like to take this time to talk about more serious issues now.

I have a BIG, HUGE, RIDICULOUS dilemma on my hands. x/ One that involves this blog entry; 2 weeks Japan vacation. I'm sorry, I would appreciate it if you would read that first, if you don't know about it. Okay, on with it. I don't know if I should go to Japan cutting my Junior term short, or stay here and continue my Junior term.

Reasons of support & the disadvantages-

WHY GO TO JAPAN?:

- I've been wanting to go out of the country and I get to do so sooner than I thought and no one has a problem with it!

- It's also the place I've been wanting to go to for a long time.

- I get to experience being in a new environment and see new things in a totally different part of the world.

- I get to see lots of Asians xD Which is awesome because I get to see a lot of the fashion favorites I've been gawking over up close! x]

- I get to stay 2 weeks away from everyone I know. That's great for career purposes and living experience.

- I get to represent myself as an American to Japan. Lol.. it sounds stupid, like I could care less about the US, but I mean like, "And here's Portia from the US!" Is just awesome x) And plus, I'm helping my school system for being apart of the Friendship Force and going to Japan. Like I'm representing that. And also doing my college rep some good :3

- I get to meet people and stay with them and experiencing college dorm life with roommates x]

- And maybe more...

DISADVANTAGES:

- I'll never go to any graduations other than my own, in high school.

- I won't get to see my friends graduate. Most of my friends are Seniors, not Juniors. And even if most of them ARE, I still might not see my friends in any grade level because next year the branch school buildings are being built and they're moving the seniors out to other schools in the district. Lord knows what the hell will happen and who I end up with x/ If these people are going to be done, I intend to see it all the way through. The end of the year is always the best too.

- If the school is changing and my last year I'll be moved to another school.. I want to be there when it happens. I want to be there to get whatever is going on. Who wants to leave the school year early and come back to confusing and bothersome issues you don't have insights on? And it's my senior year.. I need everything I can get, it's important, and knowing my school, they'd screw me over. I don't trust them. I don't have time to be doing all kinds of crap just to get settled.

- and so on..

So yeah, kinda stuck between them both.. and I have to make up my mind soon. x(

Synopsis for The Week {♥}

2007-11-15T00:51:00.000-05:00

November 12th

I finally attended my first meeting for all the advisory representatives and student council. Oh great, I have to stay every Monday now. Wtf.. if I don't even like getting up for school on Monday's, why would I want to stay after for an extra hour or two?! x/ Anyway, we spent 50 minutes talking about stuff to do to raise money, but never knew exactly WHAT we wanted to raise money for. -___- Our president won't be attending the meetings for 2 weeks, so he has his taking his place for that time. Omg, she's so dumbfounded. No leader justs interacts with everyone.. you actually have to research things and know what you're talking about. That whole meeting was pointless. So in the time we realized we didn't have anything to use the money for, Mr. Lee and I suggested, which should have already been brought up, ask our homeroom members what they would like to see at school, what they think should be done to make it better. So with that, that was our homework for the week, and we have to present it to everyone on Monday... I hope this gets interesting. :/

November 14th

So.. today it was super obvious that Tilford and his ex-girlfriend, who keeps breaking up with him, are back together. I can't lie and say I don't care. Maybe it's a bit better than before, but I can't and I won't ignore that I'm mad, MAD angry. Redundant, but true. I mean before, I use to be enraged and just depressed. I actually picked my blog icon based on my expression that was made during something that happened with them and I. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this blog entry; starting at the October 10th paragraph.

Anyway, honestly I really shouldn't be mad because the scenario is quite normal within my life. He loves her, but enjoys other girls, she loves him, but she's sick of his actions.. she breaks up with him, he misses her, she misses him, they make out, get back together, and then the same stupid ass process continues again. But what's different about this little sick story is, I'm apart of it, and I just keep getting dragged in. Right now, I feel like tying both of them to a very large flag pole out in the middle of nowhere and yelling out, "I hope you're very happy together! Oh! And if I were you, I'd double check if the bottoms of my shoes were rubber, because it's a thunderstorm tonight!" x] That would be nice.. but very unrealistic.. I can dream can't I? I can't stand to watch them being overly loving, so I just act like it's sweet when i 'm really thinking of horrible things. I suck.. but who really cares?

What's funny is how all these other girls act as if they can't live without men, and I just can't see why. I can't connect like that.. I mean, yeah I felt that way before, but I never over do it like everyone else... In everything I do, I feel like I'm missing out in life. I feel so unoriginal and tired. I keep wondering what other people do in their lives... and I can't find out. People are all so different. That's honestly a reason why I love personal blogs. It's interesting to see what others do in their lives, and how much change it is for me. Wait.. I need to get out more o_o

Anyway, I didn't get a chance to finish my school day because I had a dentist appointment, so I left before lunch ended. We got to the dentist a little before our appointment time, but it wasn't a long wait. They called me in and began setting up everything. I was minding my own business and watching an Alicia Key's video on the TV in the room, when I heard a loud screech from a fire marshal truck outside the building. You see, my dentist office is a building with other businesses inside of it, maybe on every floor. One of the businesses a floor underneath the office is the NAACP office. So the nurse came in and put some ___ in my mouth when she told me she'd be right back. It had been about 10 minutes before the doctor came in and said, "Alright get up, we have to go." I was like... "Huh? Wha..." Then some fire fighter came in and said something about how there was some kind of package delivered down stairs, and the lady had it on her lap when this powder started pouring out. So I was looking like.. what?! They moved all the patients into the waiting room and we just waited there for like 15 minutes. After that they kept going back and fourth saying things like, "Oh, we can continue the appointment now, it's alright." To things like, "Um no, we have to evacuate.. or just wait until they say so.." blah blah. And so that went on for about a good hour. Then the doctor eventually showed my mom and I how it looked outside. We had heard the alarms and saw that one fire fighter but we didn't know how it looked outside. We went in the room I was in and saw these guys in yellow suits all protected, and all the workers in the building, police officers, fire fighters, guards, civilians, etc. After all the sitting and talking looking at the people we went back into the office, and got stopped by these HOT firefighters :'} Omg, I felt like those girls in booty call where they had a male stripper dressed as a fire fighter o_o I think that was that movie... Who cares?! They were hot!!! xD *impulse*.. I almost had a spasm when I ran into one of them. One minute I'm strolling back into the waiting room of a deadly dentist office, and then BAM, I must of died and went to Heaven, smack dead in the middle of 3 gorgeous guys, freaking out like no bodies business xD After that split second, regained contentiousness and just laughed it off. Omg, really.. they looked like male models, it wasn't even funny. I actually see now how some females pass out over guys. I always thought that was like super ridiculous.. I nearly keeled over!! Rofl~ The freakin' nurses rushed off to give them a card, trying to have them as clients. -_- Damn! I should of started a fire.. x) One of them was just... gorgeous, and had the best smile and he kept smiling.. *melts* I can't wait to grow up :D I'm going to leave it at that.

Anyway, more on the important topic at hand, here's the short article {HERE} on the incident.

Managing 2 blogs?? ._.

2007-11-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

Yep.. that's right. I finally took the initiative... OMG! I spelled initiative right!! :D

*ahem*

I know I never mentioned anything about getting another blog, but I'd been thinking about it ever since I got this account. I'd been thinking recently how my term as a Junior was coming to an end.. and I had planned on getting a new account else where as a senior.. just to get started on my 'College Blog'. But with so many people I know over at LJ, that's right, I got a Live Journal account, I figured I might as well now.

I don't plan to delete this account. I love this blog.. I log online a lot more here than any other site. But my original plan was just to have more readers, and since LJ has a vast amount of communities and members to interact with, it seemed well fit.

I was contemplating for at least an hour over what my url should be.. My first idea was to have the same as this one. But it's already long and at LJ it would have been longer, so I didn't go with it. Then I was just gonna use sustained, but someone had it. So I liked Crea a lot, Ayumi's side name, but I didn't want it so plain.. eventually I ended up using Uraayu, the first photo book I'd seen by Ayumi and with the most meaningful pictures. But to me it was also revolved around indifferentness.. so I stuck with it.

Link to me there, please! Even though it's kinda dead for now..
Poine @ LJ :)

Crap.. seems I can't take icons from member's there anymore xD

+Hearts+

2007-11-08T23:18:00.000-05:00

Today was nice.. ^^

I wore my expensive boots, my attractive blouse, did my hair different, went to all my favorite classes, ate good, spent time with my favorites, felt cute; good simple day..

My advisement teacher FINALLY treated us to those delicious wings.. even though she forgot the drinks and I had to stop at every water fountain, it was still worth it x)

Stayed after school with Mr. Lee.. for like 3 hours, but it was totally fine. He's a nice man.. not like Mr. Lakhani -__- He's just stupid when it comes to sentimental stuff.. idiot man x/ Anyway, Mr. Lee and I had a nice talk after tutorial.. it was night out when we left, he ended up walking me out :] That long ass way we went.. but I wanted to talk long so I choose to go the long way, lol. I enjoyed that.. think i'll do it agin tomorrow.. if I feel up to it.

Before that, in Accounting, Terry was mad I didn't sit by him like always.. but he was alright later. Oh lord, I sat by Shante and Tilford.. they both said that he asked where I was since I came to class late.. this was because I was enjoying my wing snack, xD So anyway, I guess it's because when I came in I didn't say anything to him.. but it wasn't intentional. While over there with them, I found out that Tilford is single. He seems to be all nice now that he's apart from his girl again. I don't know why he's clinging to me now, I hope he doesn't expect me to continue our relationship like nothing happened, like he wasn't a total asshole. And I was pissed off at that in the beginning, but he actually set down and told me he was in love with her. So I was glad. I know that might be stupid, but you have to know that i've been wondering that for a while.. that let's me know a lot of things. And at the end of class I got to see some of his new artwork, and one picture I really liked, he let me have ^.^ Then all through the rest of the period we kept joking.. it had been a while since I got to enjoy that, so it was also nice.

It's time's like this when I realized how all of them including Terry, and other like Jeremy and Cody are all Seniors.. they'll be leaving me next year T_T

Later tonight, I found a site that had Nana movie 2 for download. I downloaded part one and watched some of it.. it was like watching the anime, but worse T-T Not like the anime is bad, it's excellent.. and the manga, but I'm really disappointed with the acting in the movies. I didn't even finish it and already it was annoying. Just really all the happy parts though.. they're too overdone. Everything else is fine. So far including the first movie, i'd give it a 7 out of 10 =/

Gotta go to bed now.. :) School again tomorrow~ Plus I have to continue reading my new Newtype Magazine 5th Anniversary Issue.. without Jan Kurotaki scans (; w ;)

Oyasumi♥

November 4th {♥}

2007-11-04T23:01:00.001-05:00

I haven't blogged in a good 2 weeks and a few days.. been really laggy.. didn't want to at all :/ Plus this weekend, including Friday, i've been dreadful on finishing up my Atomic Model Theory Chemistry Project.. UGH.. all that crap = Hell.. The model went down the drain at the last minute.. UGH! I can't procrastinate on anything anymore.. this sucks.. plus I have another one due on the 19th in another class.. which I hadn't started on yet T___T God I hate my slacker-would-be-procrastinator mentality x/ And to top it off, my stomach hurts REALLY badly.. it's getting on my nerves, I want to just quit. Right now I just finished my Oral presentation part of the project.. gotta re-do the model and power point.. felt like blogging a bit to relieve stress..

New Layout; Autumn Falls. Created November 1st :]

A summation of all that's been happening since October 17th.. from there to now :]

October 21st

My very first coronation.. and yet I wasn't so intrigued by the things happening there.. even though I WAS mad I didn't get individual pictures. I was too busy catching up with "old friends". Plus I came late.. but everyone was beautiful. And surprisingly, the coronation was shorter than it was suppose to be.

I ran into one old friend, Marteshus.. and a friend of hers I never really liked, Jessica. This is because she always starts drama and she changed Marteshus. Even the day of the Coronation she was dragging everyone around trying to find some girl that wanted to fight her.. she use to be such a coward.. she needs to stop acting hard and shit.

Getting off that, before this month and a bit the month before, I'd gotten into watching a girl named Tricia on Deviant art.com. She's a photographer.. and really great! I also knew a girl named Christina that takes pictures all the time.. and looking at them both, their models, sets, make-up, outfits, themes.. I really wanted to do it too! So I thought of having a cookie baking/ photo shoot with some of my girlfriends. :D I really thought of this because at the coronation I took pictures of Marteshus and Jessica.. I thought they were bad until I loaded them on the computer! They weren't as bad as I thought.. well Jessica's was. -.- She was hot and you could see where under her arm she had sweat A LOT.. o_O Eww dude.. why didn't I see that before? Yuck.. I mean, if you know you're hot, you're gonna keep on your hot clothes just to look cute for people even thought you KNOW you're sweating? -_- Anyways, here they are.. original and black & white w/ border.. just thought it looked better, haha!

China Doll; Old best friend, Marteshus.

Jessica; sweat spot xD Yep, flexing always.. even here.

Omg, I can totally take better pictures.. it's just that sometimes models don't want to comprehend.. I take better pictures of myself though =/ Need to work on other objects..

So yeas.. I may invite Marteshus and Kai and another girlfriend of mine.. then I told them they could bring 1 friend of theirs to the photo shoot.. rather it be a male for modeling.. or another female to be apart of their picture. Because Kai suggested every picture have a different theme to it.. or one theme but each picture be apart of the entire theme. :] I don't know of a date yet, but it SHOULD be this year. It may actually be this Saturday, because Kai already confirmed she could come whenever, and Zhakari may possibly be coming to my school's homecoming, which is this Friday. So why not have it the next day right? Marteshus can come, and the extras aren't NEEDED, but we'd WANT them. The only problem is, this Friday is suppose to be Emily's Halloween after party.. after the public one at comic con. And that starts at 7:00 pm.. also my fucking homecoming! Damn! Why couldn't it start like at least at 5? :( See, the thing is, we were planning to just go to the public party at 7 and stay until like 10 pm.. it ends at 3 am originally. So around 10 we were all just gonna head over to Emily's house and do whatever there :) But since homecoming starts at the same time.. and ends like at 10 or 11 pm.. I won't even get to meet them there. I mean, I could go straight to Emily's house from the game, but then I won't get a chance to see the party at comic con. There's no point in paying $10 and staying for however long it is. Emily should have her party the next day at the same time! Damn.. x(
Oh, and here are the CRAPPY pics from the Coronation.. x(

---

October 22nd

The very next day I camwhored like crazy in the bathroom.. :3 I'm very happy with those photos.. it really reminded me of L from Death Note or more like Joshua Christopher from Chrono Crusade; Rosette's little brother that went crazy.. I had on lounging pj's just like his.. and since I looked kind of dark it reminded me more of L.. plus the white baggy shirt x] But I named the picture album, House of Mirrors, because they were all bathroom photos taken in the mirror :] It was Tacky Day at my school for Homecoming week and I had on a medium amount of black eye liner, and shimmery gold eye shimmer.. then a reddish one on my eyebrow bone.. so it looked cool xP

Here are the pictures in the bathroom;

Earlier that day I edited the pictures I took the day I got my hair done for the Coronation; Saturday. Remember my October 13th post were I was ranting about wanting to do photoshop and how at the moment I just really wanted to know how to do photo manipulations on the eyes?? Well this girl, Christina, is excellent at Photoshopping eyes and photoshop period! Plus she's an excellent photographer and a beautiful model! She taught me how to do photo manipulations on eyes like she does.. and it turned out good for my first time! :3

Here's are the pictures;

This is one of my favorite eye, full mug, and hue photo manipulation done by Christina. And the model: Christina :] Loather her beauty AND her mad skillz!! xD

Another favorite// skin manipulation.. :]

Duetone/ Hue Manipulation; Little Blue Riding Hood :P

And an all around abstract manipulation :)

BEFORE Christina helped me..

And this is how it looked after :D Not too satisfied compared to her editing skills.. but for my first try, I was relieved I got through it, and happy! :].... Mostly relieved though :'|

My second attempt:

Just manipulated the eyes the same way I did the others.. the rest was done using an already made Duotone effect in Photo Impact :]

October 24th

Today, I was in my Graphic Arts class blogging.. even though I never posted.. but I was blogging in there because the day before I couldn't.. OMG.. it was fucxing freezing in that class! And it was also career day/ professional day for Homecoming week, and since I didn't have a profession where there was a certain outfit, like a nurse, or cook.. and I didn't want to just dress with a suit like I do every Thursday.. I wore my short Chinese dress and said I wanted to be a massage therapist.. or a Chinese Interpretor. xD

Why I couldn't blog the day before: My aunt that lives with us went up to Ohio last weekend and brought down her sister; my other aunt Pam. She always has something to say about someone's living, or how she doesn't appreciate something, and what she doesn't like.. we live here. Me, my mom, and my aunt. We do what we do.. and that's the way we live. Who is she, a guest, to come down for like four days and start complaining about the things we do. Do we go up to Ohio saying things about her living? Not to her we don't! So like one of the things she kept doing is complaining about the computer being on and no one using it.. and saying things like, 'why don't you all turn it off? It's sending all those radio waves and killing your body..' OMG.. okay first of all.. i'm on the computer.. and what's the point in shutting it down if i'm about to get on?? She wants to turn it off and when I get on in 3 minutes for me to turn it back on? What the hell for?! I just wanted to slap her and tell her to shut up. So all her complaining, my mom just kept making me turn off the computer.. even when I was on T___T And then i'd leave the room and come back, and she's be on the computer playing cards :o Damn how wrong.. She'd even turn off the GUEST room computer.. which she's suppose to be on.. not the family computer! Even if she IS family.. she's a guest first.. lol. Kidding.. but I wish =/

[EDIT 10/25/7:27 am]

After school, my mom, my aunt and I went to the market.. at first I didn't want to go because I hadn't been on the computer and there were things I wanted to do, plus I hadn't eaten. But the only reason I did decide to go is because they might have went out to get something to eat, and I know my mom wanted me to come. So we don't go the way I like, so I'm already mad, so then when we get there, it started raining and I didn't have anything to cover me, plus my hair was getting fuzzy. So I stayed in the car. They said they were only getting like 5 or 6 things and it would take no time. I ended up falling asleep and since I was uncomfortable, I woke up like an hour raining.. it was raining harder than last time and they still weren't back! I was thinking, 'they should defiantly be back by now..' but it took another hour and a half for them to come back. I still had my Chinese dress on.. nothing else, and it was so cold! Much colder than it was in Graphic Arts earlier.. and it was rainy. I couldn't get out the car. At some point it had stopped raining, but I still didn't wanna come in the store because there was no point. Of course I was cold, but It's also cold in the market, and I didn't want to go in the first place because of all the people.. I was still hungry.. there was no point in going in, so I just waited. (edit later)
[/EDIT]
---

October 26th

Didn't buy my tickets to Homecoming at the school because none of my school friends were going.. but Zhakari's mom ended up paying so it went well. :] She picked me up with Zhakari on the way to the game.. and since she didn't plan on taking me home afterwards because of her after party, her mom graduated from my high school, she offered me to just spent the night at their new house. My mom agreed :] I packed my things and jumped in the car. The game sucked ass! We lost!! Homecoming of all games! 0 - 51 u____u Wow, when they say our football team is sorry, they mean it =/ But I saw a lot of last year graduates. :D And my teachers dressed in regular clothing with their friends.. lol.. that was weird. I mean, all of my teachers are new, so yeah.. first time seeing them out and about x)

When we got there, we couldn't find a spot.. it took us like an hour to find one. When we FINALLY did, Zhakari's mom made us lug around this cooler full of sweatshirts and cap with the school stuff on it ;/ It was cool at first because we came in late and no one saw us, but once we went out later, BOY was I embarrassed.. i'm so glad that guy friend of hers offered to take it from me. *sighs*

So anyways, jumping around.. after getting away from her mom we talked to some people Zhakari knew and headed to the concession stand to get something to snack on.. that's where we saw Bryan and Brandon :D Brandon went to her elementary and Bryan met her year before last out of the family.. i've known them both because they go to my high school.. so it was weird that we all knew each other but didn't know, lol. After talking and standing right by the entrance, Ashely and Peaches came in immediately rushing over, lol. We all went back to our seats and sat together enjoying our company as the lame ass game got worse. :D After a while of mingling, peaches and Ashely left, then it was just me, Brandon, Zhakari and Bryan. All of a sudden a lot of seniors from last year came by.. OMG, I saw Benita. I mean.. I saw her at the Coronation, but it was so hectic I didn't bother going fangirl over it. But at the game, I couldn't help it xD Damn.. I left BOTH my cameras in the car and didn't get a picture ;__; No.. my idol.. x/ Anyway, soon after the boys left and we headed out. We stopped at Taco Bell before going to the house because her mom had an after party to go to.

So we danced and talked and watched TV and went through stuff.. (edit later)

October 31st

Today, the students in my advisement class, which reached up to 50 points for having all our requirements for the month, were to get treated with pizza and wings.. me being one of them :] But our advisor didn't get any of that because the places she chose to go to weren't open yet =/ That was one bad point in my day.. I was really looking forward to that x/

Today I wore my pink yukata rip-off dress.. without the correct shoes that is.. but I changed them at home. Another things about today, I was looking forward in Aretha taking my picture for the year book along with lots of other people dressed up.. that didn't happen.. huge piss off. First, I only SAW like 3 good people dressed up today.. everybody else totally forgot that today was Halloween T_T Those bitches told me to dress up and that we all were gonna take pictures. I'm starting to believe Aretha really doesn't like me, because my outfit was the BEST out of everyones today.. but I still didn't even get a compliment from her -_- I don't think if I came to school naked she'd say anything! So at lunch I definitely thought there would be pictures.. there wasn't. And I just decided to find Aretha myself and make her take pictures.. until I found out she had left school and wasn't coming back! Here are pictures taken at home though..

Pictures I took and edited with text for today as you can see.. This pictures was also used as my layout header :]

A lot of guys thought I was a brothel house girl and kept joking saying things like, "let's go to my room.. or Oh, concubine.." and then smiling D: Pigs -___- I looked more like a geisha anyway with the make up =/ but without white face paint. And on top of the bad things.. I had to go to the freggin dentist! On Halloween!! I had to get a filling and I was numbed.. but after it wore off, it hurt like hell. WTF?! I might as well have just taken it without the numbing.. because then the pain would have been gone by now! That stuff is pointless.. they might as well say, "Well do you want pain now or later?" Because that's what you get when it wears off x(

The good things: I hung with Anderica and Bryan :D I got compliments from some people who are asses and got hated on my times. I made Tanisha speechless xD I made Mr. Lee and Mr. Hollis loving.. since they're both mean to me that's pretty great :P I got mugged at lunch, and Terry made me super happy and positive.. he's so awesome :]
After school, at the dentist I couldn't seem to find the correct waiting room, and when I did it was locked. So out of no where this adorably HOT guy says, "What's up little lost Japanese girl? Cool Kimono." At first I was still angry because I was at the dentist, so I just glared at him. He was like, "What? Nothing to say? You don't speak English well?" Lol.. I had to laugh. I told him it was actually a Yukata and he said, "Oh really? Either way it looks amazing. It's very different.. you don't see many girls dress just cool." Then he went all into conversation about how he's use to seeing girls dress slutty or normal on Halloween, so seeing me was "refreshing".. xD Omg, usually i'd walk away from that but he was super adorable, I wanted to x] Then the damn nurse came out and took me in the room. Damn! But I said bye :) *squee* Only if my mother wasn't down stairs.. god why isn't there a back door there?! I would have totally ran away with him, lol. I hate hitting it off with hot guys then never seeing them again. Then I have to go back to my neighborhood and deal with all the fucking JERKS, rapists, perverts, and snobs that live around me and go to my school! DAMMIT! No wonder I can't find a good guy, i'm surrounded by losers. x(

I felt a bit better when another nurse came out walking with her feet tight together and bowing.. lol. She made my day! She was going all into it.. she told me the other nurse that came in said, "There's a girl outside wearing a kimono!" lol The second nurse kept walking like that and doing random karate moves and other poses.. it was hilarious.. and at the end of the day she made me a fan out of pink wax paper, LOL. That was the best dentist visit i've had yet! While the doctor was working on my teeth, she made her get out the room because she was making me laugh so hard.. I almost chocked on one of those cotton things she put in my mouth.

Then we went to Taco Bell afterward.. even though my mouth was friggin' numb, haha. x)

Felt depressed later on in the day recapping last years Halloween.. it makes me mad how last year everyone was so involved and this year hardly no one was participating. Also how the people I spent it with last year aren't even here anymore.. makes me miss 10th grade year a lot more not, and everything that went on, the people who were there with me. Seems like school is getting more and more disappointing. All the good things are going away right before my eyes. A lot has changed.

I hate stupid guys..

2007-10-17T02:54:00.000-04:00

I didn't blogged this 2 weeks ago because I was pretty broken down.. but because of yesterday I was pissed enough to say this:

"Tilford, I hate that you stay on my agenda. Worry about what you think? I do a lot. But my anger towards you is sky rocketing every time I see you! And i'm sorry to say, I can't let you manipulate me any longer.

Let's say this, plain and simple. No matter how tired you are of your beloved one, or how attracted you are to me, or how much fun it is away from your girl, OR HOW much you want to try to try things different.. you STILL have a girlfriend. One that love you very much. So don't even go there. Actually.. it's too late... you should of NEVER went there. So i'm putting an end to it now. I won't be entangled within this triangle anymore."

October 10th
Tuesday & Wednesday last week-

I was WAY confident. I had just FINALLY gotten my hair done in a new style, new cute preppy clothes, had an older mature look, and I was stealing all the looks on the hallways. Also stealing all the compliments. I just found out I aced my writing test and had a 99.28 out of 100 in Chemistry, and a 97.56 in Spanish 2. I did well in Investment and even my Trig class was better.. which is rare. At the end of the day, Wednesday, I was walking with Tay-tay and I ran into Tilford. He just stared at me like,'woah, look at you..' and smirked. And since we were walking past each other without stopping, I just laughed and we smiled like we knew we were happy with that. And usually i'm just prone to him kidding around and being childish, so it was really nice. The very next day I was looking forward to spending quality time with him. So as I was leaving advisement and going down to our class I only felt relaxed. I was smiling for no reason and breezing by all kinds of problems. So when I got to the bottom of the steps I could hear laughing from down the hallway. It made me even more happy because it was joyous. You know how you might feel good, but if everyone else is bad you can't feel good? So when you're happy and so is everyone else, you suddenly feel brighter or more confident about things? Well yeah. But as I came to the hall of my class, it took me by surprise as to who the laughing was coming from. I felt like someone threw a cinder block at the back of my head. It was Tilford and his girlfriend Kenya. His recently broken-up-but-now-back-together "girlfriend". They were holding each other and kissing like little innocent children, and laughing. I just stood there frozen.. When they realized I was standing there, I dropped my smile and stared at him in the most pathetic way. I almost felt like crying because I did that. It was so obvious I was shocked. So I quickly started walking and nodded my head at her and smiled a little, like nothing was wrong.

I went straight into class and to the back of the room, thinking and feeling like crap. That's when I realized something. I remembered how this happened to her! That very first time she saw us playing with each other. She strolled in the class smiling and bright, ready to see him, but found him laughing and holding another girl. Me. When I looked at her, she was just standing there all sad looking. Then I thought, "Omg.. is this ironic or what?! How can the same thing happen to me? Is this karma?!" Then I felt worse. It wasn't that I was mad, or confused because they were back together, but more that I was caught off guard and my pride was anchored. I was literally JUST daydreaming about my day with him, and I walked into that! It was TOTALLY obvious how shocked and torn I was. And I let her see it! Both of them! God.. how unfortunate. But it's fine, because it was never my place. I think I got what I deserved. But i'll tell you what I don't! Ever since that happened, I don't know if Kenya told him to stay away from me or he decided himself, or what, but every time we're in that class, he NEVER speaks to me. If so, only about work. Okay, you might think I'm clingy, or cold or being a home wrecker, and that I should stop being so friendly with him, but it's not like i'm trying to get his love, I'm just being normal! This is what he does.

I walk into class, I say hey to him, he says nothing or he says hey all hurried and quick like 'yeah whatever'. I talk to him, he acts like he doesn't hear me. And when I fuss about him ignoring me, he'll say, "Oh, I really didn't hear you.. I'm kinda busy right now." But talks to everyone else. When I ask him a question about work, he answers with lack of detail. Like if I were to ask, "Where are the folders?" "In the back." "Where? In the crates, the file cabinet.. or what?" "...Either or." Then I just glare and go looking myself. Someone else comes along and asks out loud, "Where did our teacher put the folders?" He'll say, "Oh! She put them in the storage room.. they're in the 3rd drawer in the file cabinet." WTH?! Fucking bastard! What did I do to deserve this?! Nothing! He tries his BEST to stay clear of me! So i'm like.. you know what, whatever. Wanna jump stupid? Fine. I totally see how it is. But then, later in Accounting, he has the NERVE to come up to me and hug me, make jokes, bother me, talk to me, mess with my hair, poke me, and CONSTANTLY call my name? The same day where earlier he treats me like an old enemy?! Oh WHAT?!?! NOW I see what's going on! I most certainly do!! He gives me the cold shoulder where he knows his girlfriend comes to visit him, but he knows she doesn't come on the hall that accounting is on, so he's all off the leash and shit. Bullshit! You wanna treat me like that?! First of all, it was HIM that bothered ME in the beginning. It was HIM that came onto ME. HE wanted to be my friend. I paid him NO attention. HE wanted to date me. HE wanted to take me to the con. HE treated his girlfriend like crap. HE spent all his time with me. I only fell over him after getting use to him.. and he wants to play it like this?! Son of a bitch.. what the hell does he take me for? What a pussy! Yes, if you know you still like me but not man enough to forget me or let your girlfriend know! Fucking coward. He wants to play like that, I can do it too. Act like I don't exist one place? Stay the fuck off me else where! And his girlfriend is out of it too! Looking at me like i'm some home wrecker.. bitch, it was YOUR boyfriend that fell all over me and told everybody that you guys broke up! I was actually sad for her. I actually disliked him for dumping her.. because I knew she love him and he was all over me! How dare she stare me down like i'm some low class slut that wants every bodies man. I am so not that! I almost have the right mind to go up to her and tell her how it REALLY is, because he's always over me and other girls. But I don't wanna start drama and ruin anything. God she doesn't know how lucky she is. She should be fucking bowing down for me not to ruin anything, and he should be kissing my ass for not telling her anything! I am so under appreciated. But that's totally fine, because i'm about to ruin his pride. And already started. Since he acts all normal in accounting.. Ashely came up to me as whispered loudly if I liked him when he was right there. I said out loud, "No. How can I when he has a loving girlfriend?" He tried to hug me, I pushed him off me and looked at him like he was stupid. They wanna act like snobs, i'll act just as bad.

Just yesterday I walked into class and she and him were laughing and talking to each other while sitting on each others lap. I noticed they did it a lot more since I walked in. It's fucking sick I tell you. Before it was okay, but I swear now it seems they're doing it on purpose because they know i'm in there. That's okay, my friend said for me, "Um, i'm sorry, can you two do that somewhere else, it's kind of irritating, thanks!" Then Tilford said, "I'm sorry is there a jealous person that said that?" And I came out of no where and said, "Uh.. yeah, it's actually just that some of us are too busy planning ways to wreck other people's relationships.. and you're kinda killing the process." Hah! Sarcasm bitch! They stopped then! Kenya wants to act like I'm low.. okay, i'll be your home wrecker alright! I'll get as a lot more lower than she'd except. I have two new favorite enemies this October. And as evil as it gets, they'll both wish they never lacked in their own 'love life.' >:] Fucking assholes. I don't give a fuck.. stooping to their level or not. Who gave them the right to treat me like that? I'm not putting up with all that criticism this year. Oh no Sir! I'm a junior, I really don't have time to be all sad because of some stupid assholes. Gonna fuck with them and have no regrets! >:/

Jason Chan + Update = [♥]

2007-10-16T00:26:00.000-04:00

Halloween's not until two weeks from now, but yesterday marked the 1 month period for my layout, plus I didn't go to school today, so I was tempted to change it :] Up until Halloween i'll be posting pictures and artwork of anything pertaining to Halloween. Cosplay included. x)

This is what I have so far because my mom rushed me off the computer.. it might be changed right now, or the same.. but it's not staying like this.. gotta edit it :]

So on with the talented Jason Chan's World of Darkness artbook, which one of the pictures are featured in the layout header. Yep, all about Vamps! And also some of his recent work. :3 Warning NOW.. if Vampires aren't your thing, I suggest you not see the pictures =/

Some pictures were left out because they weren't very excusable.. so yeah, if you wish to see them all, visit Jason's Gallery :]

Now some of his recent illustrations-

Black Widow.. this picture actually creeps me out more than the others o_o Maybe because spiders aren't my thing, and neither are crazy widows with knifes x/

Don't know.. but I love it. ^^

Pandora's Box!! :D Omg, I love this one.. it's so awesome and powerful x3

Fire god and sea god.. and death? I guess? o.o;

Before the first monthly event.. x3

2007-10-13T05:23:00.000-04:00

October 12th

No school taday.. but right after school ended, I got a phone call from Quintavious (tay-tay) with a story line of that day like this:

Alice: Quintonia, you know about Portia's bookbag?
Quintonia: How do you know??
Alice: Latricia told me she saw you at lunch near it when it got stolen..
Quintonia: Oh... yeah, I have it.
Alice: You do?! Really? Where is it?
Quintonia: *smirks and looks away yelling at someone down the hall* What now?
Alice: You have Portia's book bag? Where is it? Show me.
Quintonia: .... I have it.. I.. uh *looks away and waves at someone*
-bell rings-
Quintonia: *Starts to walk away*
Alice: Hey! Tell me! Where is it?!
Ouintonia: I have to go to class! *runs off*
Alice: *tries to stop her but she runs off to fast*

-At Lunch-

Tay-tay: Hey Alice!
Alice: Hey. Tay-tay.. I think Quintonia has Portia's phone..
Tay-tay: Quintonia? Why her?
Alice: What I told you Latricia told me and Portia yesterday. I asked her about it today and she said she had it, but ran off before I could see it.
Quintavious: What?? Well i'm gonna go ask her after we eat.. *finishes and goes to ask* Quintonia, you have Portia's bookbag?
Quintonia: How do you know?
Ouintavious: Alice told me...
Quintonia: Oh, well yeah. I had it.
Ouintavious: Where is it now?
Quintonia: In Ms. Gladden's class..
Ouintavious: Why?
Ouintonia: [unknown reason]
Ouintavious: Oh well okay.. i'll go ask Ms. Gladden. *see's her in the hall way on the way to class* Ms. Gladden, do you have Portia's book bag in your class?
Ms. Gladden: ... *looks confused* Portia??..... *shakes her head, unsure*
-late bell rings-
Ouintavious: Oh well, i'll see later.
-after school- didn't have enough time as he would have missed his bus..
---

That trick.. I wonder why she'd retained this information since Tuesday and decide not to tell ME about it.. and the day I didn't come to school, everything pours out. She even stood there when I mentioned how my things got stolen, in front of her.. so it's not like she forgot or she hadn't seen me! She has my things or the girls that were with her do! And she's knows it! >:|

Later on that day towards night time I received a call from Tilford telling me to check my e-mail. I was hoping he sent the AWA pics again, but it was a program. :| It said that we had to practice in class today.. but since I didn't come I couldn't do it. Everyone had different programs.. and he had a Airbrushing one.. he wanted to be my partner so the teacher told him to e-mail it to me so I can look at it before the next week. I couldn't wait to try it out so I started immediately :D After hours of fiddling and searching for someone to airbrush, I finally found someone to work on. I used Dewi.. and I hope she doesn't mind x/ I'm not very excited about the outcome, but i'm glad I got through it right :D

Here's a screen shot from the tutorial.. it wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be! x( I had to redo A LOT of things to get it right.. -sigh- Thank God I got through it ^^;

And my outcome! Before and After pic of Ms. Dewi Woo :)

Some bad points:

- I should of chosen a clearer, non-pixelated, not so noisy picture :/ It would have been easier..
- I should of never lightened the eyes.. I wanted to try it since it was in the tutorial, but since the picture wasn't clear, I couldn't do wonders like I wanted, haha. I shall try another time Dewi! :D
-I forgot to just airbrush the skin alone.. the picture is left with a tan tone because of that. Ex: hair, uniform, couch..
- I forgot to re-add the lighting to make it more realistic.. the skin looks kinda plastic. You wouldn't notice by just looking at it, but looking at the before picture you can definitely see it.
- The skin is a bit more sharpened, but the texture is still pixelated because I didn't know how to clean the photo :(

But it turned out great for my first time, huh?! :D I can't wait to start photo manipulations, vectoring and CG! x)

October 13th

I'm suppose to go to the market with my mom later today, but it's 5:44 am right now, and I should be sleeping! I didn't go to school yesterday because I was tired.. so spoiled x( I was super late to school all week! I need to really be on time a lot more because the tardy slip ladies are getting WAY too comfortable with me coming late.. sooner or later they'll start to get really curious because one of them already started asking, "So what is the reason this time, Portia?" o_o;
---
[EDIT 7:45 pm]

I actually woke up at like 11:30 this morning x] Helen, aunt's friend, was already down stairs waiting for all of us to get ready. She and my aunt were going to the movies. The market was different than I though it was.. there were lots of different ethnicities though, like I thought. I still said I liked the Super H-Mart better though :]

Later when I got home my aunt called and said found some Vampire teeth at the prop store where her and Helen stopped! Turned out they were cheap x( Ahhhh.. I wanted vampire teeth so bad. T.T

[/EDIT]

[EDIT October 16th]I found my book bag! :D Ms. Gladden said she did have it x) But the phone wasn't in there and neither was my breeze card. -_- At least I have all my notes and work :3[/EDIT]

Jibber Jabber//♥

2007-10-10T00:23:00.000-04:00

Last night my friend Krystal asked me f my mom would let me dye my hair or add extensions 'how would t be' and 'what color would I dye it'. I felt like blogging it.. as well as other rants :]
So, for a while, ever since I've been really into Jrock, i've liked the section hair colors, where there's how ever many parts of your hair one total color without highlights, and it's just sectioned off into another color. And how I would have it, I would only have two sections; underneath and on top. By this I mean, all the hair that naturally hangs down and that open to everything, and then the hair underneath that. I would have jet back underneath and a dull red orange on top. And here's examples of the sectioned coloring i'm speaking of :]

The bottom one is EXACTLY like how I would get it.. I had this idea before I saw this picture though, haha. The only thing different though, the red orange would be a bit darker, OR I would just go with a golden blondish color.. my hair would be a lot shorter, also lined up with the rest of the hair, not layered, and I wouldn't have a bang. :]

For the top picture.. I don't think i'd ever do that unless the colors were in the same family or almost alike. Like for example, a green and a dark green or a maroon and dark red or a purple and lilac or something. lol. Yep.. there's my answer.. and wonder why my mom won't allow it, xD
---

Omg! Speaking of my mom, she's been so mean to me lately.. and for no reason! Wth?! And people at school has been on my bad side. Now I got to come home to Ms. Rude T_T I'm pissed nothing turned up in school today, what a horrible mother.. she doesn't even care. Oooh! So mean. x(
---

As i've said before in recent entry, got a lot of plans for October. Plans one and two out the door and finished, plan 3 is finally surfacing! Six flags with the ECC/ Nana Day crew :] Aww, but I don't think Monica is going.. she said she has a bad experience with Six Flags. Okay, I did too! But I'll go back.. as long as I don't get killed. I'm NOT riding super man or batman.. but i'll go back x/ So if Monika isn't coming, Grace, Christy or the other Grace BETTER be there, or else it's gonna be REAL awkward and REAL boring, and a REAL waste of cash. T-T

Robert e-mailed me to say that we were meeting up at 10am!! D: Um... dude.. aren't we staying until the night time? I mean.. and it's on a Sunday too. Not a lot of people are gonna be there, and I always stay up Saturday nights.. Sunday is my sleep in day! >:| Shame me, I should be in church. But no. I shall catch up at home when I get the chance, thank you. Damn! Now what am I gonna wear?! It's gonna be cold in the morning, but hot by the after noon. And we WILL spend our morning standing in lines.. fucking lines have a 90 minute waiting period with lots of folks. If not, then 30 at least. The popular ones anyway. So yeah, that's this Sunday at 10am at the front gate. I hope someone has a $20 discount ticket because I have a $30 one.. and I want more money to keep for myself without my mom knowing x3

[EDIT]
London/Monika is definitely not coming.. i'm starting to get a little worried this will all be lame.. I mean first of all, no one else has e-mailed me but Robert, and he only replied once telling me the details! I think they're not keeping in touch because they think Areku is coming.. knowing all the trouble she caused last time x( I didn't get anyone's number.. I e-mailed Christy and Grace Thursday.. they haven't replied yet and the get-together is tomorrow! UGH! This so better be worth it..
[/EDIT]

WTF?! For real...

2007-10-09T18:30:00.000-04:00

Today my phone got stolen -_- I feel like shit.. and all those numbers!! Some of those were from people that DIDN'T go to my school; some I met over the summer,etc. T.T Hopefully I can get them out of my mother's phone..

I KNEW I SHOULD OF PUT A LOCK ON MY PHONE!!

Anyway.. all my notes and workbooks were in my book bag including my purse, since it's a kind of purse that's a purse and a back sack I put it in my book bag. Anyway I left it in the cafeteria for 10 minutes, came back, and it was gone! Those bastards!! Later after school I went to the office and told them about it, the secretary said she had a bag.. so she opened up her cabinet and gave me my purse/ back sack. I was like, "........ that's not it." She was like, 'it's not?' and I told her it was my purse but it was inside my book bag.. so someone must have went in it. I told her I left it in the cafeteria and she corrected that it was the bathroom. So I'm like, "Uhh.. no, I left it in the cafeteria for certain. So then she says, "A few girls said they found it in the bathroom."

Bunch of bitches.. I know it was someone I knew because I take C lunch and it was around our table. I looked in my purse and my $15 birthday money to Jasmine and Jackie was gone.. which sucked because that was their b-day cash I got on my own.. and their card was ripped up.. My cell phone was gone, and my breeze card.. which is a card for the bus transit.. I had like two weeks worth of money on there. >:[

I would of been hella pissed if my six flags discount tickets were gone.. oh thank the lord. I had 5 discount tickets! Mine and four other people! I'm so glad I had that in the hide away part.. I should of kept my money in there T_T

Fucking pathetic bitches.. I'm gonna let karma dumb down on their asses.. just wait until I find out who did it. Like really, steal b-day money and rip up the card?! Steal a mobile phone? For what? That's fucking dumb.

Anyway, I'm mad because the phone that's replacing my old one isn't a flip phone. But with that, I want a new purse so I won't have to worry about laying it anywhere...

18 years//♥

2007-10-06T01:32:00.001-04:00

Two days ago, October 4th, was your 18th birthday. Maybe it wasn't.. maybe you're younger really, or older. I can't really be sure.. since I never really knew if the things you told me where the truth or a lie. And even when we weren't apart.. I always thought you'd end up doing me like you did your friends in China. I know you cared for them.. but you moved on and there was nothing you could do, right? But when you told me that.. so easy and carefree.. I honestly was disgusted by you for that moment. I could not believe you could leave your friends just like that and simply say, "There was nothing that could have been done. It can't be helped." Maybe that's true.. but you didn't show sorrow or pain or any weak points.. You just brushed it off and took it for what it was. I couldn't believe I was in the presence of a person like you. I was disgusted. And as much as I couldn't get over the ease you'd shown to me, I also couldn't shake the fear of experiencing the same thing. Honestly, the fear was a lot stronger. Maybe it's me.. maybe I'm too weak and needy.. but I just can't bare to part from those who are important to me. I'd do whatever it takes to stay with them. Or I wouldn't be able to be fully happy.. knowing what "could have been".

So every time I was with you, even in anger, in silence, or even when I wasn't seen by you, I cherished those times. I truly did. I don't even know half of ANYTHING about you, but the laughs we shared, the fun we had, the problems we came across.. the way we solved them together, got in trouble together, took up for each other, helped each other out, grew closer, I knew all of that was real. No matter how many lies you've told or how many secrets you've kept, all that was real and that's all I needed. Because I was happy. Of course I was curious, but I didn't have to know about you because I enjoyed you and we enjoyed each other. That's what we had. Pure friendship. But you really don't know how much I cherished you. And you don't know how much pain I have inside of me.. bottled up from every thought of you. No matter how much I try to ignore the pain.. it keeps resurfacing. It's makes me ache, it makes me cry, it makes me feel empty. All those memories... they keep coming back to me. And you're no where around.

Maybe it's possible you feel this pain too? For your friends. You pretend to be cool, you make yourself believe you can brush it off, but really you're suffering. I remember all the pictures of them you had in your school folder. I'm sorry you had to leave them. At the same time, if you hadn't, we would of never met. But maybe, that would have been best for me.

Ayu Galore on her 29th Year♥

2007-10-02T22:32:00.000-04:00

From the beginning..

29 years alive and kicking, almost 10 years with Avex, 42 singles, 29 #1 singles, sold more than 45 million records in Japan alone being the top selling solo and female artist and the fourth top selling Japanese artist in history, Ayumi Hamasaki has turned, like stated 29 today, on October 2, 2007. Sometimes I wish she wasn't that old, haha, but then again it doesn't seem that old.. maybe for an artist.. but like Madonna, I do believe Ayumi will be performing, in the spotlight or not, for a LONG while. And that i'm glad for. I may have not bought many of her CD's or singles, and scrolls or posters, DVD or VHS, Ayupan dolls, decorations, etc. But I am someone who cherishes this person. So I can only celebrate her birth by myself and what I am doing here now.

A lot of goods; including magazine scans, general pictures and videos of her most recent stage.. those that I haven't already posted anyway.. and some of my old favorites to bring in the love, Lol. Anyway, please enjoy!!

Various/ Random images through the ages & The Life Of-

All oldies.. way way back :]

Oh my, Ayu looks pretty tanned! :D

Mid Times

Out w/ friends at amusement park

Ayu Shopping Pics

Promotional & Live Pictures-

Ayumi's ASIA -Tour of Secret-
Most images that are the same are different performances, as she went to Taiwan, Hong Kong, Tokyo, etc. That's why their a bit different :]

In Shanghai Promoting her A Best Black & White albums after the tour :]

The offset of Glitter/Fated single :] Great scans~

My Magazine Scans-

Vivi Magazine - January 2006

For her (Miss)Understood album.. shot in New York :]
Just a bonus because it's one of my favorite scans.. since everything else is like most recent x)

Four words: "I must have one!" Omg, Ayumi teams up with Sanrio and talks Lumix into making a special camera with her logo and hello kitty on it! :O (the last scan) She also apparently got ASH & DIAMONS to do the same.. (the phone straps in the picture) Here's where you can read about it! Anyway, all these are from her last tour during her ASIA -Tour of Secret- chapter..

Vivi Volume 85
Talkin' 2 Myself preparation, recording, and fun!

ViVi Volume 86
Behind the scenes & the making of, of Ayumi's newest PV's, Talkin' 2 Myself and Decision.. which by the way if you haven't seen yet have been featured on this entry ^_^

ViVi Volume 87
Ayumi Hamasaki's B-day Celebration + travel

Videos-

One recent CM featuring her recent single Talkin' 2 Myself :]

Two live performances: A-Nation 2004; Game & Inspire

One Recent PV: Talkin' 2 Myself

One Recent PV: Decision

Hope you've enjoyed these.. this is indeed my LONGEST post @__@